a big trash box of thoughts

my own jar-opener.

2009-12-13T20:36:00.009+08:00

I was making a bowl of salad and I was about putting the mayonnaise on it. I reached the mayonnaise jar and tried to open it, but it didn't move at all.

.. I need someone to help me open that jar.

Suddenly, my thought flew faraway to the moment when I was at home. Mom always comes to my dad, asks him to open many things that she couldn't do it by herself. Simply like that. And tad-da.. all those jars are opened. My dad is her jar-opener, he could open any jars for my mom!

I want my own jar-opener.

(there.. i said it)

a regretfulness of the not-so-excited-christmas

2009-12-13T18:06:00.007+08:00

to be honest, i am not so excited about this year's christmas.

why oh why? no no no.. not the christmas itself, but the things behind it :

1. i have tons of thing which have to be done.

2. i have to decide many things.

3. i have to spend more money than the previous christmas.

4. i have to release many things from my recent life.

5. i have to face farewell (i hate it the most!).

6. i have to move on to somewhere-which-i don't-know-yet.

7. and SO ON!

and my freakin' point is.......... i just want that christmas' spirit, when i can smile freely, without feeling confused. yah, i know, it's my choice. but, i'm a bit regret.. since i've been losing my christmas' spirit..

Dear Bestfriend..

2009-12-04T11:04:00.005+08:00

Dear Almighty God,

This moment I decide to meet Thou, heart to heart. As for many times, I pray to Thou as my daily routine. I memorize my prayer and I know how to say it in order and very well.

My dearest God,

I wonder Thou are laughing at me now, lauhing at my weakness of knowing nothing, for became a true pretender.. which I tried to pretend I was stronger than myself. I refused to accept the way I was. So now, please laugh loudly at me.. and slap me hardly on my cheeks. Make me awake.. make me realize that I'm tiny.. and Thou are the biggest thing of all.

Father of all the human beings,

I'm hugging Your foot, as I want to cry on my bestfriend's shoulder. I'd always know that Thou are the closest bestfriend I have ever had. Thou are the one who touch my fear, my strength, and my braveness. Please, forgive my stubborn head, forgive my stupidity, forgive my careless life.

Me, myself, don't know what to ask to Thee..

I'm heartless,

I'm planless,

I'm losing my way.

Please, take my life's wheel for a while, drive me to the right path.. since Thou are the best life-driver of all.

Dear God,

kindly hear me though I couldn't see Thou physically. But I know that Thou are there, in front of me.. and holding my hand tightly.

Dear God,

I am going to end my words.. Hope Thou are not annoyed with my wish, if it's too much.. then I'm sorry. But, bestfriend always says anything they need to say, and Thou are my very bestfriend in the world.

Should I say "Amen"?

I'll see You, soon..

| roller coaster |

2009-12-02T21:09:00.005+08:00

| will be having a |

.. and when i'm down (in the future), I have to look at this post and read what I paste below.

Life Is A Roller Coaster, Just Got To Ride It

by allinspiration.com

Look back on your life, and there are bound to be times you felt so down that you felt there's no way you could have carried on. But you made it anyway.

There might also be times you were so happy, with seemingly everything going your way, that you took things for granted. You forgot about the bad times, and forgot to appreciate the good times.

The point here is, life is basically full of ups and downs for everyone. It is a roller coaster which all of us will have to ride. If life is constantly good, then chances are, we will just take it for granted. Maybe you feel that life is constantly bad, but that cannot be true - you just got to look out for and take note of the good things in life.

So, remember, when things are going well, appreciate it, enjoy it. But be conscious of the fact that things might go worsen any time. Don't let it become fear, because that will hamper your living of the present - just be mindful of the fact that life is unpredictable.

And when you're feeling down, do not allow yourself to get bogged down by it. Remember that you just got to survive that period - you've probably done it before. Know that things will get better someday, maybe soon, and realise that this is going to make you a stronger person. Once you have tasted the bitter, the sweet tastes so much better when it comes around.

1000 Journals

2009-11-30T23:24:00.008+08:00

I was just window shopping at Page One bookstore at Vivo City, and accidentally I found this awesome book.

It was slapping me hardly when I opened the first pages, it said "This book is dedicated to everyone who's ever said, "I am not creative". Aha! You got me!

I opened the next pages and I was amazed. It is so amazingly creative. The creator was starting this 1000 journals by sending many journal books to many places (around the world), and the people who found it would write or draw or add some(any)thing they want in the journals.

The journals have experienced many situation in different places, an African added a torn-Africa map in the journals and re-arrange it with his creativity. There's also a guy who promoted himself "I'm single, 19 years old, bla bla bla.. I'm looking for a girl, good looking, Asian will be a plus."

How it works? [actually]

"Those who find the journals add something to them. A story, drawing, photograph, anything really. Then they pass the journal along, to a friend or stranger, and the adventure continues."

How it started?

I've always been fascinated by what people scrawl on bathroom walls and in public spaces. I had been taking photographs of this writing for years, and wanted to put together a book. It seemed appropriate to encourage readers to become contributors, and join the conversation by writing in the actual book. From there, I decided that a blank book might be more fun... especially one that traveled around, to gather a variety of thoughts and opinions. And then, why not 1000 of them? It's such an absurd number.

The project officially launched in August of 2000, with the release of the first 100 journals in San Francisco. I gave them to friends, and left them at bars, cafes, and on park benches. Shortly thereafter, people began emailing me, asking if they could participate. So I started sending journals to folks, allowing them to share with friends, or strangers. It's been a roller coaster ever since.

As you can see, this journal is the collection of thousand people in the world. I even can find someone from Indonesia who wrote something in this book.

I'm so into this book. Think gonna buy it.

images were taken from the official web of 1000 journals.

need to be..

2009-11-25T22:28:00.005+08:00

what i need is to be

c r e a T i v e !

since i've lost all the creativity..

| suddenly dolls

2009-11-25T16:21:00.011+08:00

blame my dear bestfriend.. for making me too girly like now, since she likes to blogwalk on wedding blogs (and all are cute). :D

but it's too cute to be passed. i love dolls! (i am a girl, by the way)

first.. meet molly.. she's shy..

there's also ruby.. she's colorful.. by jhoanna monte aranez

these three sisters are very cute.. ohhh! (psst.. psst.. i already downloaded the free pattern. ;p)

does she remind you with your childhood story? yes, she's the red little riding hood

kitties are waiting to be hugged.. so cute..

"continue writing the life stories.."

2009-11-23T11:29:00.006+08:00

just passed a great bday weekend.

i'm officially 24 years old now.
many greetings came to my cell phone, my facebook, my twitter, and also my yahoo messenger. thanks to all of you, families and friends..

one of my favorite greeting was from my colleague "continue writing your stories, 24th."

yeah, indeed i will. 24th it is. and it will keep going..

lots of love for all of you.

thank you for reminding me that i'm alive and blessed. :)

Singlish lorh!

2009-11-18T21:28:00.007+08:00

Saya sering sekali menggunakan Singlish sebagai bahan becandaan dengan teman-teman saya.. bermaksud menjadikannya lelucon yang tidak pernah habis kelucuannya. Kami menganggap singlish sebagai bentuk kesalahan dalam berbahasa (Inggris). Banyak kata-kata imbuhan yang menjadi lekat dengan setiap kosakata bahasa Inggris dan tidak dapat dilepaskan dalam keseharian masyarakat Singapura.

Sebut saja :

"lorh!" yang dibaca "lah";

"meh";

"leh";

dan juga "can" yang seharusnya berarti bisa atau dapat, namun disalahgunakan di Singapura sehingga kata "can" bisa juga berarti "iya" atau "oke".

Berikut pembahasan Singlish menurut wikipedia.com :

The vocabulary of Singlish consists of words originating from English, Malay (mainly Bahasa Melayu rather than Indonesian), Hokkien, Teochew, Cantonese, Tamil, Bengali, Punjabi and to a lesser extent various other European, Indic and Sinitic languages, while Singlish syntax resembles southern varieties of Chinese. Also, elements of American and Australian slang have come through from imported television series and films. Recently, because Mandarin Chinese is taught to most Singaporean Chinese students in school, Mandarin words have also found their way into Singlish.

Menilik dari akar sejarah Singlish, sudah jelas jika bahasa yang sangat populer di negara kecil ini adalah campuran dari berbagai macam bahasa. Singlish menyerap berbagai "budaya", aksen, dan dialek, bercampur baur menjadi sebuah 'bahasa kebanggaan' Singapura, yang sebenarnya tidak cocok didengar oleh telinga asing. Namun, jika sudah tercebur di dalamnya, otomatis telinga akan beradaptasi dengan logat tersebut, sehingga apa yang tadinya terasa nyleneh.. toh akan terasa biasa juga.

Dan pada posisi saat kita berada di dalam lingkungan masyarakat Singapura dan sudah terbiasa dengan logat Singlish mereka, saya jadi bertanya-tanya: apakah Singlish itu 'salah'?

Saya mencoba mengaitkannya dengan pengalaman pribadi saya. Saya bertinggal di beberapa tempat di Indonesia yang memiliki bahasa daerah berbeda-beda, kebetulan semuanya berada di Sumatera (terkecuali Jakarta).

Saat saya masih ada di TK, saya tinggal di Riau,

di Pulau Sambu tepatnya (sebuah pulau kecil yang sulit ditemukan di Kepulauan Riau). Di Pulau Sambu, masyarakatnya berbahasa Riau-Melayu. Saya yang datang dari Jakarta, langsung terbiasa berbicara dengan logat Melayu dan berbaur dengan anak-anak setempat. Saya agak lupa dengan bahasa Riau, yang paling saya ingat adalah menyebut "kamu" dengan "engko".

Dari Pulau Sambu, saya berpindah ke Bandar Lampung. Di Lampung, bahasa yang digunakan sedikit mirip dengan bahasa Jakarta, mungkin dikarenakan oleh letak geografis yang cukup berdekatan. Awal-awal berada di Lampung, saya menjadi anak yang kuper, pasalnya bahasa Riau-Melayu itu berbeda sekali dengan bahasa gaul yang digunakan di Lampung. Setelah beberapa lama, akhirnya saya bisa menyatu juga dengan komunitas Lampung dan bibir saya pun fasih berbicara dengan logat dan bahasa Lampung. Menurut saya, aksen yang digunakan di Lampung agak mirip dengan aksen Sunda, namun dengan kosakata dari bahasa Jakarta. Bahasa yang (saya ingat) biasa digunakan anak Lampung adalah : gue, elu, tah (biasa digunakan dalam pertanyaan, seperti "iya tah?"), dan geh (penggunaannya misalnya "jangan gitu geh..").

Dari Lampung, saya beranjak lagi ke Sumatera bagian Selatan lainnya, yaitu Palembang. Nah bahasa yang digunakan juga berbeda lagi, kali ini juga saya harus berjuang agak keras agar bisa membaur dengan anak-anak Palembang. Kosakata yang digunakan oleh orang Palembang kebanyakan diserap dari bahasa Jawa, mungkin karena latar belakang sejarah dimana orang Jawa dulu pernah membangun koloni di Sumatera Selatan. Walaupun agak mirip bahasa Jawa, namun logat yang digunakan berbeda, jika didengar sekilas bahasa Palembang tidak sehalus bahasa Jawa. Di awal kepindahan saya ke Palembang, saya juga banyak berdiam diri. Kebanyakan tidak tahu apa yang teman-teman saya bicarakan, karena kesenjangan latar belakang bahasa. Namun, lambat laun, saya bisa juga belajar secara otodidak dan fasih berbahasa Palembang. Contoh kata dalam bahasa Palembang yang mirip dengan bahasa Jawa : kata ikut, dalam bahasa Palembang adalah melok, sedang dalam bahasa Jawa adalah melu. Kata air, dalam bahasa Palembang dan Jawa sama-sama dilafalkan sebagai banyu.

Berdasarkan cerita kepindahan saya yang agak ribet di atas, sepertinya saya menangkap sebuah garis besar kesamaan dengan cerita Singapura saya. Setiap daerah jelas-jelas punya bahasanya masing-masing, dan itu semua adalah wujud apresiasi budaya dan akar sejarahnya. Setiap manusia yang ada di dalamnya punya pilihan untuk ikut berbaur atau menjadi berbeda di dalam komunitas. Sama seperti saya yang lost in translation saat dilepas di tengah komunitas Lampung atau Palembang, di saat saya tidak mengenal bahasa Lampung dan Palembang. Saya dianggap berbeda. Dan itu adalah kebebasan saya untuk ikut berbaur dengan lingkungan saya atau tetap berbahasa Riau di Lampung atau berbahasa Lampung di Palembang.

Dan karena saya sebagai newbie, saya tidak mengerti bahasa yang digunakan. Bahasa yang ada di daerah itu adalah aplikasi puluhan tahun yang telah menjadi budaya setempat, dan saya hanyalah orang yang baru masuk. Bahasa yang umurnya puluhan (atau ratusan) tahun itu tidak bisa disalahkan. Bahasa Palembang bukanlah bahasa Indonesia yang benar, demikian juga dengan bahasa Lampung dan Riau. Bahasa yang digunakan di daerah-daerah itu adalah bahasa yang menyimpang dari kaidah Bahasa Indonesia yang benar. Namun, bahasa daerah menjadi tepat penggunaannya karena sesuai dengan konteks tempat dan situasinya.

Sama dengan Singlish.

Kita tidak bisa menyalahkan Singlish, hanya karena Singlish bukanlah Bahasa Inggris yang benar. Singlish adalah kependekan dari Singapore English, dan dari situ adalah jelas jika Singlish adalah Bahasa Inggris yang digunakan di Singapura. Konteksnya jelas dan tepat.

Jika kita di Jakarta, kita akan menggunakan "elu" dan "gue". Jika kita di Semarang, kita akan menggunakan "aku" dan "kamu". Jika kita di Palembang, kita akan menggunakan "aku" dan "kau". Semuanya tepat guna.

Jadi, hendaknya jangan salahkan Singlish.

Karena bahasa Jakarta juga bukanlah bahasa Indonesia yang baik dan benar.

Singlish jadi benar, jika digunakan sebagai penyesuaian dengan pergaulan di Singapura.

Namun, alangkah baiknya jika kita tetap menggunakan Bahasa Inggris yang benar. Speak Good English!

sumbernya si poster : http://english-matters.blogspot.com/2008/04/speak-good-english-posters.html

sumbernya si gambar : http://www.blogcatalog.com/discuss/entry/speak-good-english

Be Careful!

2009-11-17T10:22:00.003+08:00

(First of all, I am not trying to convince you to believe in my religion. I am trying to warn you to be careful with things around you, too many hidden things that silently transmit into our minds, unconsciously)

Yesterday, a good friend of mine gave me a link from youtube titled : The Church of Oprah Exposed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NizojZIX7Aw

The video actually concerned about how she tries to teach new lessons to people on earth, about new 'religion', which does not include God in it. The video related the Oprah's religion with Christianity, since it is the major religion in US.

You may watch it as a knowledge, if you want.

But if you don't feel comfortable to watch it, then don't. I will just tell you what's in it, so that you may be careful with things which can make a distance between you and God. Just be careful with earthy things.

Oprah Church was found on March 2008, with 300.000 people became the attendants. Then fastly grew up become 2.000.000 attendants. It is the largest church on earth, nowadays.

Here are the lessons from this church :

"Who you are requires no belief. Heaven is not a location but refer to the inner realm of conciousness."

"My mind is part of God. I am very holy. My holiness is my salvation. My salvation comes from me. Let me remember that there is no sin."

She is trying to put thoughts in our minds that God is not to be believed. God, or religion, is a feeling, not believing.

The whole life, I was thaught to believe that God is exist even though I couldn't see His physical existence. And, for me, He IS exist!

Oprah said, "One biggest mistake of human being is believing that there is only one way to live. There are many ways, million ways. And the path is not the only things that you call it God. ..."

Obviously, I am not a religious person, compare to many of my friends. But I do believe in God. When my friend gave me this video, it strucked into my heart, we're very near to the end of the world. Many beliefs, which don't believe in God and try to bring human beings to satan's alley, have been sporadically growth up. We have to be extra careful.

Whatever your religions are, please hold up to God tightly. Don't make yourself become the same with this world, the world is not safe, many dark things are trying to pull your hearts into their worlds. Be careful.

Close your eyes, your ears, and pray.

a way to start everything..

2009-11-15T18:33:00.002+08:00

am i obsessed with coffee thingy? not so sure!

but.. it is certainly a way to start everything..

a morning.

an afternoon.

a rainy day.

a reading activity.

a hangout moment with bestfriend.

.. everything.

i locked my heart.

2009-11-12T10:23:00.010+08:00

you made me hold my breathe.
we were almost there. i fell to you, completely.
you were so into me, i guess.

and suddenly, i ruined everything.
i realized that i wasn't the real 'me' when you were around.
i turned into someone else, which i wasn't familiar with.
i realized, and so did you.

we were just hanging ourselves there, bringing what we have to nowhere.
then, we decided silently to let our feelings disappear.
just like a candle which is being ignored and finally melt down without noticed by anyone.
we were there. firmly stood up, side by side. but yet we didn't know each other. we didn't feel each other. and we didn't understand.
we were confused and doubt about us.

we went through the time, until now.

and what could we say? are we still the same like some times ago? do we still feel the same feeling? are you still into me? am i fall to you?

i let the words fly away into the air.

i give you a smile, which isn't the answer of all, since i'm clueless.

deep down in my heart, i knew - and even better, i understood - that i've locked my heart.

picture was taken at KL, a door of one old shop house. for better resolution, please go here

Indonesia, for us to learn.

2009-11-10T15:05:00.006+08:00

I got jealous, simply said.

When I was on my way to your country, the entire road was very smooth.
When I talked to your people, everyone could speak English fluently.
When I entered your building, all the system ran well.. with full air conditioner also.
When I went up to your popular sky bridge, I could see from above that your city was well managed.
When I waved for a taxi, they pleased me friendly.
When I passed by your people, all of them acted usual, as if tourists are a part of their daily life.

I got jealous.

My head was spinning, thinking of my own country. Felt that we really have to change, we really have to start to build our country, as soon as and as fast as we could. Or our neighbor would leave us further and further away.

I was just realized, stepping to Malaysia is not a mistake. It is good to remind us, to put us in a track to develop our beloved country. At some points, I agree that they’re much better than us, they were ready to be a modern country with modern cities and its infrastructures.

If they could, then what’s stopping us for not doing better than them? We’re just the same Asian country; we’re rich of both natural resources and human resources. We’ve got all we need to build Indonesia. Don’t be shy to learn from other, from Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines, etc. We’ll be better if we know what’s our weakness and learn from others on how to be stronger.

Majulah, Indonesia!

Quoted from our former President:
"Saudara-saudara dan rombongan : Buka mata, Buka mata! Buka otak! Buka telinga! Perhatikan, perhatikan keadaan! Perhatikan keadaan dan sedapat mungkin carilah pelajaran dari hal hal ini semuanya, agar supaya saudara saudara dapat mempergunakan itu dalam pekerjaan raksasa kita membangun Negara dan Tanah Air!". (Bung Karno : Semarang, 29 Juli 1956)

you|and|me

2009-11-04T12:19:00.004+08:00

wanna pack your bags, something small
take what you need and we disappear
without a trace we'll be gone, gone
the moon and the stars can follow the car and then when we get to the ocean
we gonna take a boat to the end of the world
all the way to the end of the world oh, and when the kids are old enough
we're gonna teach them to fly you and me together, we could do anything, baby
you and me together..

(dave matthews band - "you and me")

childhood | fear

2009-11-03T11:26:00.003+08:00

i never dared to look at the darkness under my bed. never ever.

Fear of the dark, fear of the dark
I have a constant fear that something's
always near
Fear of the dark, fear of the dark
I have a phobia that someone's
always there
("Fear of The Dark" - Children of Bodom)

Fear is the most powerful emotion in the human race and fear of the unknown is probably the most ancient, so you're dealing with stuff that everybodys felt from being little babies: were frightened of the dark, were frightened of what we don't know about. (Fear of The Dark - movie)

every morning, please have me!

2009-10-30T14:17:00.003+08:00

don't forget your breakfast (self reminder).

"All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast."

- John Gunther

work | relax

2009-10-29T15:43:00.003+08:00

happy work.. and relax!

i found a similar design with my sketch above, by phileas atelier for granon photo laboratory.

me | want a journey

2009-10-28T17:32:00.002+08:00

seriously..

Peace On Earth.

2009-10-24T23:58:00.004+08:00

I just want to share something, about peace of the world comes from the simplest thing that you could reach. Something that you didn’t imagine before.

It came from the very first page of this infamous book, Three Cups of Tea.

I will not re-tell the story, you have to read it by yourself and get yourself into it for days! :) It is a true story which can inspire you a lot..

Greg Mortenson. An amazing guy.

He built schools for Pakistani children, and he’s American. You must know, that nationality is the biggest problem between US and Middle East countries, nowadays.

He started the idea to build a school for children in Korphe (remote village in Pakistan, near K2) with no money. He sent 580 letters to famous people in US, asked for a little help to donate a little money for the children. He got almost nothing, except one letter with $100 cheque. He worked as a nurse, without a permanent shelter to sleep in, he slept in his car so that he can save his money to the Pakistani children!

One day, a miracle came into his life. A rich scientist, named Jean Hoerni, offered his money to be a single donator, and all he did is writing a $12,000 and sent it to Greg. Just like that. Do you know what was Hoerni reason to help? The reason was: 'He knew that nobody will ever help Greg, since Greg’s aim was helping Moslem.’

Can you guess what was bothering me? That nationality and religion things! Why should we differ and fight each other with that reasons, since we’re all God’s creatures? Is there any thick wall between us, as a human being, that really separates us from each other, so that we can close our eyes to help people who need our helps? And then, we preferred to do war instead of saving people's life? Isn’t that silly?

After years, Greg successfully finished his first school, of course the way he went through wasn’t that easy. Pakistan isn’t a safe place for an American guy like him. But, he prayed as a Moslem, he spoke Urdu, he got along with Pakistani very well. And even, his Pakistani friends adored him very much, more than they adored their own leader. They considered Greg as their hero, who cared about their life, who touched their lifes from his heart. Greg spoke with the children, asked what they need. Greg didn’t lie about anything in his life, he did whatever it took to help Pakistani.

After the first school, he planned to build another schools and needed many supports from America. He spoke in many lectures, he spoke to people in America about what Pakistani need to help their life. And America agreed with him, America helped him. And suddenly, 9/11 tragedy happened. Things changed. People sent him hating-letters, cursed him for what he has done for ‘enemies’. But, it wasn’t what he was thinking; people in Pakistan or Iraq or Arab or another Middle East countries were not their enemies, they’re just the victims.

Greg told them : One single thing to help people in Pakistan, is education.

It is not a bullshit nor a joke. It is the fact and one way to build peace on earth. And America gave their supports, once again, to Greg’s program to help Pakistani children.

Please, destroy the thought about how Christian wants to spread their religion through the school in Middle East. It is not the goal. They, as human beings, want to educate their ‘friends’ in another continents, to give them good perspectives of life. There’s nothing we could get from war, or by harming people whom we don’t even know. By giving them opportunities to go to school, they can build their own life and they can choose the good from the bad.

Not every American is as bad as you think.

And not every Middle-East people is as bad as you think.

Don’t stereotype them!

Pakistani loves American guy, named Greg Mortenson. They promised to sacrifice their blood and their life to save Greg! It is a kind of relation which you can’t imagine.. Because we watched too many news on TV, we only can see the outer side of the war itself. Many people inside the war are suffering.. They are not involved in the war, they don’t know what the purpose of the war. They are the victims.

So please, open your eyes. Don’t choose a side. Don’t put your religion as your reason to hate others.

Imagine how beautiful our world without war.

May peace be with us.

Link : You can support and help Greg Mortenson's program.

| i feel good for this friday - 231009 |

2009-10-23T17:29:00.006+08:00

22 october 2009

last night, my mom called me as usual, i call it 'a-twice-or-three times-a week-phone-call-routine'. the conversation went as usual, she asked me "have you had your dinner?", "are you going to sleep already?", "do you feel tired after working?", etc.

only one thing was unusual, she reminded me that the day after yesterday (which is today) is my dad's birthday.. errr, actually i remembered about everyone's birthday in my family since we're only four and i'd celebrated it the whole my life. then, she said one thing i almost forgot, "kak, tomorrow is dad's birthday.. and a week after that, dad will be retired." ooopppsssss.. it would be the day that we always talked about when we gathered, since i was a child. retired day! it is coming. oh my God! actually, nothing should be worried, hmmm, should be nothing at all. but, my mom said, "dad wishes you and your brother to settle your job first, since he will not be a working-man a week later."

and that sentence successfully made me had a sleepless night! what should i do? should i stay here forever? shouldn't i reach my passion, instead of doing something i don't like?

and until this point, i clearly understand : one single thing that matter in this world is.. money.

and me, screaming alone in an empty room : "why? why money???" and nobody cares.

23 october 2009.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY DEAR DAD!

55th birthday in his life. i'm wishing you a long-long-long-life.. :)

actually, with a disturbedful-thought from last night, i don't feel really well on this birth-day of my father.

i got so disturbed and couldn't think further for my future. my mind kept telling me that i have to stay here, for money sake! i am so cheap!!! (*sigh) why was it so urgent? because i have to submit my resignation letter by the end of this month, that's my deadline.. i have a week left and it is very urgent, thinking time should be over by this week.. -_-"

i sent a message to my brother, ask him to apply to some companies in singapore, since he was interested to work here. i can't do anything except encourage him to try and apply as many as he can. i wish he can find a job as soon as possible, which can make my parents not too worry about their children.. argh, my head was full of future-problems.

suddenly, a message came to my email, from my former lecturer. i did asked him to be my reference since i was going to apply for a volunteering-job, a job that bothered my mind for months. i do know that there will not be much money, or even there will be no money there, but i can't deny my heart.. my heart tells me to try. and the thought bothered me more when i read an inspiring book by greg mortenson, three cups of tea! (you should read it!)

my former lecturer wrote in his email to me, "i'm always available to help anything for 2003", and he also gave me his full name and email as needed to fill the application form.

can't you see that this is where life bring me to?

i'm no money oriented person. i will do anything to please my mom and dad.. but, can i just please them with my own way? not with the richness that i could achieve, but with something diferrent that maybe they never thought about it.

suddenly, i feel good for this friday.

i pray (hardly) that this would be the rightest decision i have ever made.
..and honestly, i am afraid!

..above all,
happy birthday, pah!

Bold Whatever Applies To You

2009-10-21T15:51:00.002+08:00

copy & paste from melur. :)

You like showers better than bubble baths.
You cannot stand pop music.
You have a sister.
You are an only child.
You have black hair.
You have blonde hair.
You have red hair.
You have glasses.
You wear contacts.
You like TV more than movies.
You don’t talk on the phone often.
You like to shop.
You like emo music.
You are tall.
You are short.
You are average height.
You have long hair.
You have medium length hair.
You have short hair.
You use AIM.
You use Yahoo IM.
You have more than 3 pets.
You like sushi.
You love sushi.
You are on a diet.
You are currently on the second floor of your house.
You have a small room.
You are in high school.
You have 1 little brother.
You have an older brother.
You are allergic to something.
You have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
You have a current crush.
You have many crushes.
You have been kissed.
You have kissed another girl.
You laugh a lot.
You have lots of friends.
You are lonely.
You are depressed.
You are listening to music.
You are doing homework.
You have school tomorrow.
You are sick.
You hate your teacher.
You think your teacher is OK.
There is drama in your school, constantly.
You are wearing sweat pants.
You are wearing socks.
You are wearing a T-shirt.
You have lost a loved one.
You hate your school.
You loved your school.
You have been picked on.
You have been yelled at.
You have gotten in a fight.
You have said a bad word.
You shop at Abercrombie and Fitch.
You play basketball.
You play softball.
You play baseball.
You play soccer.
You play football.
You hate sports.
You get manicures.
You shop at Pac Sun.
You go to the mall a lot.
You are close with your family.
You never fight with your parents.
You have been grounded.
You have driven a car.
You are listening to your iPod.
You are watching TV.
You are watching a movie.
You are listening to the radio.
You are singing.
You are happy.
You are sad.
You are blah.
You are anxious.
You are about to go somewhere.
You haven’t been out of your house for over 3 days.
Someone besides you is in the same room with you.
You love your natural hair.
You hate your eye color.
You wish you were never been born.
You write your own songs.
You write books.
You hate to write.
You hate your hometown.
You love your hometown.
You are smart.
You are average.
You are dumb.
You get good grades.
You enjoy having people at your house.
You love going to the movies with a lot of people.
You like to go bowling with your friends.
You have ice-skated before.
You like popsicles.
You think Vanilla is better than Chocolate.

They're Big.

2009-10-20T21:55:00.013+08:00

i am not a fan of concert.

but for them, i would do anything.. include standing inside the crowdedness and getting wet because of sweat! and i was (super)satisfied.. truly worth to watch, though they didn't sing 'going where the wind blows'. they were stunning!!!

i would like to share some for you..

the bigger and better band.. MR. BIG! on Reunion Tour, Fort Canning Park, Singapore.

photos courtessy of karina aryanti : http://www.facebook.com/greetkarina?ref=nf

mrbig, you rock!

zooey deschanel.

2009-10-17T22:02:00.005+08:00

first of all, sorry.

i have to share this. since, i thought she is pretty and really cool.

i've just watched 500 days in summer, starred by her- zooey deschanel. the movie was pretty good, not that outstanding.. but it was good.. love story, though the narrator said "it's not a love story".

and most of all. she is pretty. the cameraman knew how to shoot her videogenic angle! i'm not kidding. you have to watch and find out by yourself, only to see her best angle.. hehe. :)

source : http://electricityandlust.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/zooey-deschanel.jpg

i googled her and found out that she has a band, named She & Him. you can listen to their song, you can click here. i like the layout and the little girl header.

just want to share and show you that prettiness isn't always that ordinary pretty. i don't know how to explain it in words. nnngggggg.. but, in my opinion she's just another extraordinary pretty. don't you think?

about death.

2009-10-11T21:41:00.005+08:00

"learn how to die is the only way to learn how to live"

- morrie schwartz

i read mitch albom's book : tuesdays with morrie and i kept dropping my tears into cheeks.

everyone's fear is death.

everyone knows they will die, some day.

and everyone refuses to accept it.

it is human nature.

and i am trying to accept my death. that someday i'll be dying, just like morrie.

he mention "die", "love", and "live" words many times.

i've just realized, those are three things that really make sense in my life.

i live because of the love,

i live and surrounded by loves,

i'm alive yesterday, today, and maybe tomorrow because i know i love someone and there are some people who love me.

and beyond of those live and love, i am going to die sooner or later.

and for the life itself, i'll be thankful for the loves i've been giving and given..

and i'll die peacefully.

i am going.

2009-10-09T10:16:00.001+08:00

faraway, i could see from the hole, it's a heaven out there, where i could see the light which is brighter than the sun. i want to be there.. somehow, i dreamed about it.. and i felt very light..
i have to let everything go, go with the wind. nothing i should hold.. since nothing is mine. nothing is truly mine.
i am going.
going through the way, so that i could reach that hole to heaven. even if i'm not fit to pass it, i won't let myself stuck in this small black box.