a big trash box of thoughts

Handmade.

2012-01-30T20:47:00.006+08:00

Some stuffs above weren't not actually handmade, but it was designed and created from hand-sketches.

The elephant cards are from Chiangmai, I got it from a gift shop I found in Thapae area. The artist was the seller in his own shop. When I visited his shop, he was there and he was painting an elephant series in a canvas!

The iphone casing is my late favorite thing. Haha. Can't you see that it is really really cute? Found this in shop that sell many recyclable stuffs in Singapore. There are many series of this type of sketch - boys and girls - and they have their own names! Mine is Claudia. :) When I bought this phone's casing, I should wait for 30-40 minutes, because they made it by order! You order it, and they make it right away. Isn't that great?

I love flea market! Because I could find this kind of cool stuffs. The oriental cards below were found in a weekend's flea market. The sketches are awesome!

I can't resist anything handmade.

{Empat Menit} Bukan Fiksi.

2012-01-28T01:23:00.009+08:00

Terlalu banyak fiksi yang terlontar belakangan ini, mungkin itu cerminan dari apa yang ada di pikiran saya. Terlalu banyak fiksi, sampai-sampai waktu berlalu tanpa sempat dinafasi. Kalender tahun 2012 hampir dibalik, sebulan hampir berakhir, saya selalu terantuk pada keadaan ternganga tak percaya.. dan lalu bertanya-tanya hal yang sama: "hampir 30 hari, apa yang sudah saya lakukan?". Pertanyaan yang selalu saya acuhkan, saya selalu enggan menjawabnya, lebih memilih untuk menundanya hingga tahun berlalu.

Pada kenyataannya, banyak yang terjadi. Menunggangi awal tahun ini dengan terkaget-kaget, sehingga terkadang kalender pun lupa dicoret. Sudah pasti saya merujuk pada perubahan. Dan yang sudah pasti akan terjadi adalah perubahan domisili yang akan keluarga saya lakukan, sekarang kami (khususnya kedua orangtua saya) sedang jungkir balik dan harap-harap cemas mempersiapkan dari nol. Ini rumah impian orangtua saya, karena sejauh ini telah meninggalkan rumah milik pribadi selama belasan tahun dan lebih memilih meninggali rumah dinas - bisa dibilang ini seperti membangun impian yang belasan tahun mengawang. Saya excited, itu sudah pasti.

Ada pula perubahan status dari orang-orang yang dekat dengan saya, wisuda master degree adik saya yang akan segera berlangsung, perubahan cita-cita pribadi saya, perubahan pola pikir, perubahan cara pandang, dan perubahan pertemanan. Itu semua mengalami pergeseran perubahan.

Seiring dengan kejadian-kejadian yang silih berganti mengisi ruang waktu, entah mengapa saya jadi lebih banyak mengisi ruang pikiran dengan merenung dan mengamati. Mengamati Papa saya, mengamati Mama saya, mengamati hubungan-hubungan yang terjadi antara saya dan dunia luar - misalnya teman-teman, mengamati arah hidup dan mengamati probabilitas. Selebihnya, saya mengaku kalah, karena saya tidak mampu melampaui waktu untuk terus maju ke depan dan mendahului milisekon. Dengan menjadi pengamat, saya jadi punya kesimpulan-kesimpulan pribadi yang mungkin akan mengubah saya dan hidup saya di masa yang akan datang. Mulai berpikir untuk hal-hal yang lebih serius dan tidak klise. Mulai mengerti untuk stepping back dan tidak ambisius dalam merencanakan sesuatu. Pada beberapa titik, mungkin saya sebenarnya sudah tahu kemana saya akan melangkah, saya hanya butuh membuat jalan yang berpondasi lebih kokoh. Bukankah semua orang juga begitu? :)

Fiksi-fiksi yang telah saya bangun, itu alam bawah sadar, tertoreh tanpa plot yang direncanakan. Mungkin terbaca, mungkin tertebak, tapi itu harapan dan ketakutan yang berkolaborasi menjadi satu. Yang menjadi doa, 366 hari yang akan saya genggam sesungguhnya semoga berujung pada impian saya untuk 'terbang'. Tidak secara fisik. Dan tentunya, tidak secara fiksi.

Regular Coffee

2012-01-24T18:16:00.009+08:00

Mr Herr walks slowly to his lawn from the front door of his large country house, walks through the grass-covered land to the wood letterbox with his name and his dead-wife's name on it. Find several letters addressed to him, mostly are the authorities letters and bills. He close the letterbox and bring those letters to the terrace, sits on his huge bamboo-chair which was ordered by his son, Mark, special for him on his 50th birthday.

A red mug is there, he has prepared it earlier, right after he takes his morning bath. Never forget about the morning coffee, because in his life, a cup of coffee is the only regular thing he always take. Beside that, nothing is regular, ever.

One morning, in his eighteen, he took his morning black coffee and sat down in the kitchen table reading his Math book. Suddenly, his neighbor came into his house, frantically shouted out loud calling his mother's name. He looked at the old fat lady with her pink sweater. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Lou. What is it?" He asked her politely. "Your father, Kurt, your father!" And that was it. He lost his father that morning.

In his twenty-seven, he put the telephone down and smiled at his colleague. He just closed a very big deal with one of the company's client, morning deal was always the best. 10.20 in the morning, and all he got was a victorious smile. He finished his last sip for the black coffee. He was ready to celebrate the closing, took his jacket from his chair and pulled the arm of his colleague, Sean. He was planning to get out of the office to treat him a fine lunch. "Wait a minute, Kurt." Sean pulled his arm back. Kurt stopped his step and turned his head back to Sean, suspiciously asked him why with his eyes. "What's up dude? Aren't we going to celebrate the deal?" He was confused with the gestures. "We got a call..." Sean stopped for seconds, "your sister died due to the car accident this morning." Kurt dropped his jacket in the floor, his beloved sister was gone.

A week after his wedding, he was having his honeymoon in Greece. He married a fantastic woman, Casey, and he was 32 years old. They were having their delicious Greek coffee, recommended by the owner of the cafe they visited. And suddenly Casey came out from the washing area and straightly held his hands tight, she looked deeply in his eyes and didn't say anything. Kurt was sure that it wasn't because she loved him that much - though he knew that she does, then he asked her softly. "Is it my Mom, Case?" His mom was sick, very very sick, and the day would be anytime. Casey nodded. And that was it. They flew back to her mother's town and held the funeral.

And five years ago, her beloved Casey was taken away in the lovely sunny Sunday. He woke up alone in his bedroom, because Casey was in the hospital, and he was sweating. The weather wasn't that hot, but still his body was wet. He took a bath, put on his clothes and his leather shoes, made a cup of coffee for himself before went out to the hospital. He sipped his coffee down, faster than usual, because his heart said that he must go as soon as possible. So, he went to the hospital an hour earlier. Doctor Finn came to him and escorted him to Casey's room, he patted his back softly. "Mr Herr, your wife is very strong. She has been through a lot, yet she always put her lovely smile in her face." Doctor Finn smiled at him, tried to make him stronger. "I think, this is the point where we have to let her go, Sir, so that those smiles will always be there." Kurt held his wife's hands until her last breathe, and he kept those smile in his heart forever.

This morning, the coffee is still hot in his red mug, with the smell that always fill the kitchen up in the morning. One last coffee and he never take it. He wears his red-black sweater, brown pants, and a pair of black leather shoes from his daughter - Kelly, he sit in his bamboo chair and he just close his eyes, he leave the coffee in his side. And because, one regular thing that never change. Today, he change it. He leave the coffee, to join with the irregular things in his life.

perhaps.

2012-01-17T10:07:00.010+08:00

perhaps, the person who's gonna spend the rest of your life with, isn't your soulmate, isn't the one who understand you the most, isn't one of those person who finish most of your sentences, isn't the one who has tons of funny jokes to make you laugh, isn't the one who always has answers for all your doubts.

but, that person would be the one who's gonna stay beside you though he doesn't understand the whole of your thoughts, though sometimes he becomes speechless and loses words to finish your sentences, though not every single time you laugh together because of the jokes you share - but also cuddle in tears when you both are down, though he doesn't have answers for all of your questions. the most important is ; he'd stay - not to answer your questions and doubts, but to find the answers with you.

Prudence : Warm

2012-01-12T22:07:00.003+08:00

"I should get going, Prudence." Ray smiles at Pru. "Thanks for the time!" Again, he smiles.

Pru, she gives him a nod.. and a smile to reply those. "Good time, for sure!"

"I will not refuse if there is another time like this, in the future. Just in case you don't know what's inside my mind." He is ready to leave, his backpack is on his back.

Pru laughs at his sentence. "I will not refuse, either. Well, just in case you think what's inside my mind is different from yours."

Ray smile widely. "I guess, I'll see you another time!" He doesn't wave, he just walks away.

Prudence's eyes watch Ray's back, until he disappears. She sip her coffee down and collect her stuffs, also ready to leave the coffee shop. Day has became dark, the sun has set.

The wind blows too intense, her hair is a mess. It makes her thin skin couldn't bear the breeze. Her clothes are not thick enough, are not warm enough to protect her from the windy day. She put her cold hands inside the pockets of her grey jacket. She step onto a pile of brown leaves, and even the sounds of it couldn't be heard, beaten by the sound of the wind.

That minute, Pru tries to understand the concept of warmth, like she never tried before. When the weather is cold, then the body feel the coldness. That's pretty clear. That's an exterior's issue. She has tons of anti-cold clothes, and it would help.

What's hard to understand is when it comes to the inside. She doesn't realize the exact time when it became cold, and she didn't prepare the anti-cold clothes for the inside's issue. She just let it freeze and then numb. She forgets how to feel warm, besides she also never bothers.

Until the time Ray called. And even only a picture of coffee in Pru's head was enough to spread the warmth.

Pru is laughing out loud in front of the coffee shop. She feels silly. And so, she jumps and throws her hat in the air. Warm.

2012-01-08T23:42:00.005+08:00

Jangan pernah meragu pada hati, walau sekejap saja dia berbicara. Dengar dan rasakan setiap detik bisikannya.

Ia menguap ke dalam hamparan waktu.

Dan namun, jejaknya membekas.

- Photo is a collage of two different photos. The bottom was taken by Bo. And the above was taken by me.

Puzzle.

2012-01-08T11:10:00.010+08:00

We all start from a scratch.

That we have tons of choices.

We might pick the wrong pieces sometimes.

Then we try to move on from mistake, and look for the right piece.

We might start from nothing, once again.

Nothing to regret. Any way, we'll live and fill the blank with pieces we have chose.

Try to believe. We might finish our puzzle, someday.

the 9 of 2011.

2012-01-02T19:25:00.011+08:00

Cheers for life.

Cheers for 2011.

Cheers for the newcomer, 2012.

merry and bright.

2011-12-25T10:53:00.003+08:00

Merry Christmas!

xoxo

Prudence : Patient

2011-12-22T07:40:00.005+08:00

I stop from my walk, step aside and dig my bag. Hundreds of stuffs - which I don't even know - are stuck in there.

"Where the hell is the damn ipod?" I curse, I am impatient! "Why is it so hard to find a thing that I need inside my own bag???"

I take a deep breathe and calm myself down. You know what, sometimes we know that things are there, yet we can't find them.. it's just because we're not patient enough, not because those things aren't for us. So I sit on the ugly chair, without asking a permission of the owner - a bakso seller, and start digging again, this time slower and more patient. Ah, gotcha! There you go! I hold my ipod like a winner of stuffs-finding-competition.

Told you.. it's not because it's not there.

I was going to the office, actually, 11 AM and still long way to go. I was having a long night with my working partner, did those articles which were left by the one who is actually in charge with - and also having an overnight work until 3 AM. That guy was irresponsible, left without words and now we work our ass off to finish all of his articles, and of course he is having fun in Hawaii right now. I am allowed to come late today, after I called Paul to have more sleep. But actually, now is very very late. So I hurry my steps.

"Pru! Where have you been? I've been looking for you the whole morning!" Nyna screams at me, panic.

"I called Paul for a permission coming to work a bit late, because I thought our work has finished!" I rush to put my stuffs on my desk and catch the things up with Nyna. She looks awful, her hair is a mess, her mascara is half way done, her lips is trembling. "What's up?" I take the paperworks from Nyna's hand, she is is not in a good condition to think straight.

"The fact crosscheck just came out and several datas we used are not valid. We have to call the source and interview them immediately. This shit has to be done by 3 PM." Nyna hit the table, again.. panic.

I scan the words, try to connect with all of those unfamiliar stuffs. Some invalid facts actually can be searched from the previous article, we just need to as the fact-checker to help us doing it. I put the papers down and look at Nyna's eyes.

"Look, dear Nyna, we can do this. Okay? Believe me. I know I am not good in this area, but we can. All we gotta do is calm down and think with clear minds. Okay." I put my hand on her shoulder, I don't blink.

Nyna takes a deep breathe and nod her head. I smile at her.

"Okay! What time is it now?" I look at my watch. "1.07 PM. We have plenty of time." I divide the paperworks, one stack for me and the other stack for Nyna. "We need to gather these on 2.35 PM." I run to Ken's desk, the fact-checker and ready to work my ass off, once more.

2.35 PM.

Two stacks of paper are there, full of red color from pens we were using. I send a smile to Nyna. We re-read all those stuffs once more and agree to edit some parts that doesn't sound right. We discuss and argue in low volume, almost whispering, and mostly I only pointing the word's in Nyna's screen.

2.55 PM.

Printed and put on Paul's desk.

"Thanks, Pru! You've done a really awesome job!" Nyna hug me tightly, looks so relieve.

I laugh. "Don't mention it, Nyn! Sorry for coming late, I really didn't know."

"No. No. I should've called you to come. You know what, I even forgot that I really could call you. I panicked and my brain was stuck."

I nod. "Yep, I know. Next time, we should be more careful.. and learn how to calm down in this kind of situation." We walk out of the office, ready to have a cup of strong coffee and muffins.

One bold lesson today. Patient. And you'll get what's there.

I was talking about.

2011-12-12T16:16:00.002+08:00

There was a time, when everything goes wrong. When the nights were just black voids, dreamless. When waking up in the morning was just a routine, not a blessing that needed to be thankful for.

That time, is when you've just realized that the place you hate the most was actually your safest place. And home - that you pretended to care about, was the place in the past, which will never be in your future. It's when you realize that the people you love aren't the ones you're hoping to be. And you're escaping from them, into the black. And it's when the soul whom actually could save you, is running away and is choosing another soul instead.

That is the time I was talking about.

thump thump thump

2011-12-06T23:50:00.005+08:00

Thump thump thump. My heart sings thump thump thump, it's when I see pain in your eyes. One name and you are hurt, one single world and you walk away.

It's thump thump thump, and I realize that you are gone, taking away the song that rhymes with your presence.

Thump thump thump.

Restless.

2011-12-04T22:44:00.005+08:00

Enoch : "I was dead for 3 minutes, and there was nothing there. Just nothing."

About death, about love, about losing.

Some face death, some face losing, some will be left, some will leave, some feel regret, some learn, and some are just angry.

So little time we have, indeed.

A Project | A Collaboration : Music | Photos

2011-12-03T12:08:00.007+08:00

Jeritan Hati

Lyric and Music by Indhira Sagita

Berjalan diri di dasar bumi

Tak tau arah, hanya ingin bergerak...

Warna-warni dunia pun melintas,

Tetap hanya hitam yang dapat kuingat...

Yang kutunggu hanya kau,

pencabut nyawaku, yang kan hempaskan risauku...

Dunia pun tak kan pernah merasa,

hilang satu raga, kan jadi berarti...

Dan kusadari...

Aku hanya anak dunia yang terhempas tanpa cinta,

Dan ku s'lalu menunggu saatnya ku 'kan bebas...

Langit pun tetap biru walaupun ku tak ada,

Dunia pun takkan menangis saat ku menghilang...

Dengarkanlah jeritan hati ini wahai dunia...

Dengarkanlah jeritan hati ini...

newborn.

2011-11-25T15:31:00.011+08:00

The day when all the excitements and worries were around, from the minute she told us that the babies were going to be in the world soon - through surgery, because the complication has occured (seriously, watching too much Grey's Anatomy really affect my medical knowledge, I worried too much in this case).

Early morning, the twins were here, 25th of November 2011. And we're all excited to welcome them :) Though we only met in black and white photos, yet we loved them already. Hello, little cuties.. for now, we call them lil dark and lil twisty! :D

Pictures (by : Bo & me) were dedicated to the new mother and the twin babies, also can be seen at www.nisbi.tumblr.com

#19 Ritual

2011-11-24T22:52:00.012+08:00

ritual (ˈrɪtjʊəl)
— n 1. the prescribed or established form of a religious or other ceremony 2. such prescribed forms in general or collectively 3. stereotyped activity or behavior 4. psychol and repetitive behavior, such as handwashing, performed by a person with a compulsive personality disorder 5. any formal act, institution, or procedure that is foloowed consistently

and so is a birthday!

Secret of Happiness.

2011-11-06T21:41:00.003+08:00

Secret of Happiness (and things I learned from a book "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin) :

- be yourself

- stop nagging

- do whatever you can do by yourself and stop asking other people to do things for you

- stop complaining simple things and be grateful for simple things
- talk big to other people to show our support (such as : "I know you can do it!")
- start listening to other people
- sleep earlier so that you can wake up earlier
- be an overbuyer and be prepare
- give things to others
- give up your unused clothes and tidy up your closet
- buy stuffs that can make you happy
- be impulsive once in a while
- exercise
- what makes others happy may not be the same with what makes you happy
- do whatever you like, don't bother of what people say
- forget about money, as long as you can be happier
- you can do whatever you like, but you can't choose what to like
- things you like when you were 10 years old is the same thing that would make you happy today
- .. feel free to add something into this list! :)

(Honestly, for me, the most powerful weapon to be happier is "to be thankful". It works every-single-time!)

Be happy, beautiful people! :D

#18 Andy dan Kotanya

2011-10-13T21:59:00.010+08:00

Menapak di kota ini, berharap disambut dengan sesuatu yang mendekati Phuket - sesuatu yang beraroma pariwisata yang menawarkan rasa berlibur. Namun, sekali itu, harapan itu tertimbun dengan sebuah aroma familiar di bandara internasional Mactan - aroma kota.

Melangkahkan kaki lebih ke dalam lagi ke kota, kembali perasaan familiar merasuk lebih tajam. Ini.. kota. Sungguh, saya tidak kecewa. Saya justru terpana. Familiaritas itu ada, karena saya seperti merasa pulang ke Jakarta, sebuah kota yang penuh chaos, dimana garis kemiskinan dan garis kekayaan terlihat sama tebalnya.

Berjalan kaki menyusuri sederetan panjang ruko berdinding lusuh dan menghitam, mengingatkan akan daerah Kota yang senada walau tak serupa. Gelandangan, anak-anak kecil yang telanjang bulat bertebaran di pelataran ruko-ruko - yang entah masih berpenghuni atau tidak. Wanita dan pria berpakaian lusuh campur baur, mengelompok di pojok-pojok gelap, ada yang tidur beralaskan kain tipis dan ada yang duduk-duduk memandang kosong ke jalan raya. Gembel bertelanjang dada, tidak beralas kaki, dan bertangan kotor karena lumpur pun sibuk merogoh-rogoh saluran air penuh comberan - dia mencari uang receh.

Angkutan umum (jeepney) warna-warni berseliweran di jalan raya, keneknya sibuk memanggil-manggil calon penumpang untuk naik, di sana sama saja - angkutan umum seenaknya berhenti di tengah jalan demi penumpang. Lampu lalu lintas sedikit yang beroperasi, kebanyakan tidak berfungsi dan hanya berdiri di setiap persimpangan dalam diam, menjadi saksi bisu kericuhan yang terjadi di sekitarnya.

Kota ini membuat saya melongo, mengelus dada, dan sedikit malu. Perasaan yang sama seperti saat saya menjadi bagian denyut kota tempat rumah saya berada. Di sana seperti perkawinan Pasar Baru - Kota - Pasar Minggu. Ricuh. Campur baur jadi satu. Seliweran manusia, kendaraan, dan pergesekan sosial yang menjadikannya berdenyut, walau hanya sesekali dan hampir kritis.

Lalu, saya bertemu Mr Andy Fernando Casquejo, seorang guide yang saya temukan via trip advisor. Bayangan saya, akan muncul seorang lelaki paruh baya dengan dandanan necis a la tour guide yang biasa saya lihat. Lalu muncullah seorang lelaki bercelana pendek dan berkaos tangan panjang hitam memudar, dengan kulit gosong menghitam dan senyum lebar. Jauh dari yang saya bayangkan sebelumnya. Senyumnya bolak balik ditawarkan kepada kami, plus cerita bahwa dia berangkat dari rumahnya jam 4.30 pagi. Saya terkesiap, merasa bersalah karena menentukan jadwal bertemu yang terlalu pagi. Rumah Andy berada di pulau berbeda, jarak tempuh dari hotel hingga pelabuhan 30 menit, ditambah dengan naik kapal sekitar 15-20 menit.

Kapal Andy yang cukup luas - mungkin karena hanya diisi 3 orang dari kami, ditambah dengan 3 anaknya yang masih kecil dan satu sepupu Andy - membawa kami menyusuri laut biru, kendati langit tidak terlalu bersahabat dan menunjukkan moodnya yang berawan. Andy membawa kami ke titik-titik penuh ikan dan berair tenang, menunggui kami dengan sabar sembari tidak melepaskan pandangannya dari kami yang sibuk mencelupkan kepala memandangi alam bawah air. Sementara itu, anak-anaknya yang masih kecil dengan santai meloncat tanpa pelampung, berteriak-teriak seru dalam bahasa Tagalog dan tertawa sambil bermain air.

Kesempatan mengunjungi rumah keluarga Casquejo datang tanpa direncanakan, kala itu hujan dan kami diundang masuk ke dalam rumah sederhana di Pulau Olanggo. Rumah yang cukup sempit untuk diisi sembilan orang di dalamnya, berdinding bambu - dengan poster besar boyband Korea yang saya rasa digunakan untuk menutupi lubang besar disana, beralas tanah, dan beratap sirap.

Saya menghitung jumlah anak Andy, tujuh orang. Memandang berkeliling rumah.

.. Dan saya menghitung jumlah uang yang saya bayarkan untuk Andy.

Saat saya mengeluh, saya selalu lupa pada hal-hal seperti ini. Memandang selalu ke atas, melupakan apa yang ada di bawah. Dan perasaan malu menjadi sebuah tembok besar yang membuat saya menabraknya dengan keras. Hidup itu kejam. Tapi senyum yang di'obral' oleh Andy, istri, dan anak-anaknya seolah menjadi penawar bagi mereka. Memberikan rasa manis, walaupun tak seberapa. Mereka bersyukur, dan mereka hidup.

Menghubungi Andy dan menggunakan jasanya berkeliling pulau-pulau di Kepulauan Cebu dapat membantu melebarkan senyum 9 orang. :)

Andy bisa dicapai di alamat email : andy_fernando_casquejo@yahoo.com atau telepon +63 9095981871.

Cheers to life, no matter how bad it is! :)

poles, cables, cranes

2011-10-06T14:43:00.001+08:00

and other messy stuff over our heads that are more often than not simply forgotten or ignored.

*dark and *twisty

One Complete Year.

2011-10-03T12:12:00.007+08:00

A year is short. Shorter than you could expect. It comes even before you realise, and it gets shorten each year. A year that I could collect, as pieces of memories which are seen grey, a year of life that's so short but contains million feelings - longings, happiness, and heartaches.

A year ago that all the smiles and laughters of children filled the air. And out of nowhere it changed into sorrow and pain. And it slowly was erased from the air - but not in the heart.

Then, changed into something new, strangers that soon became a small little family. Newborn little girl appeared, joyful, smiles, and smells of baby were filling the air.

And it just that. A complete one year. Passed. Like a snap.

So, we scattered, we moved, and we left the space - where we gather for months - alone with the memories that left. It keeps the memories, silently. Just like we will remember each minutes of it someday, in silence as well.

..goodbye, Al..

love is all around..

2011-09-19T10:42:00.007+08:00

Every brides and grooms dream to have their weddings with their own ways.

Eby and Anton make their dream come true! I don't exactly know how they made it all the way until now, all I know is that they have too much loves and supports. Take a glance, and you'll be in love with them - as much as I am!

Handcrafted, surrounded with lovely and kind friends, warm hearts, and cheerful faces. It's a happiness in Sunshine Wedding. :)

Packed.

2011-09-09T23:47:00.006+08:00

This is what we were doing. We packed --- not only physically.

And we were happy doing it.

Anything done happily, we hope - would make others happy as well.

Cheers,

Eve & Me.

(photos above taken by Eve)

(was done for Nita&Anes who will get married on this cheerful September)

soon.

2011-09-04T23:00:00.009+08:00

soon, i'll have to leave all these familiar thing. again.

and bring all the wrapped memories into the new space.

soon.

Ground Up

2011-08-19T20:40:00.002+08:00

It tells you the truth, failure and the bitter feeling that follows.

But, I'm gonna quote the best line I have ever read! :)

"Coffee's the best legal drug out there" - Michael Idov

Indonesia, sang Ibu cantik.

2011-08-17T20:05:00.003+08:00

Kepada Ibu bumi, tanah tumpah darahku, dimana aku meletakkan hatiku sampai akhir hayatku, Indonesia.

Apa kabar di usia bayamu sekarang?

Lelahkah dihuni oleh kami? Aku yakin, engkau pasti sering batuk dikarenakan polusi dan kulitmu kering dikarenakan pembangunan tak merata.

Maafkan kami ya, Ibu, sering membuatmu menangis dan memendam lara. Kami sedang belajar, Ibu. Belajar untuk jatuh hingga lubang yang cukup dalam, dan maaf jika lukanya membuatmu sakit tak terperi. Kami coba ini dan itu, walau seringkali kelewatan dan menorehkan kekecewaan.

Doakan kami, anak-anak bangsamu, agar sedikit demi sedikit dapat menyembuhkan luka-luka yang menodai keelokanmu, walaupun akan tetap berbekas hingga akhir hayat. Kami akan terus menjunjung merah putih di angkasa, agar engkau tetap memiliki senyum cantik, dengan birunya langit dan hijaunya hutanmu.

Usia tuamu hanya akan terus menjadikanmu tegak berdiri, semakin kuat dan mantap. Indonesia, sang Ibu paruh baya yang mempesona.

Tertanda,

Anak bangsa yang sedang jauh menapak di negara tetangga,

tetap memangku harapan untuk segera kembali ke pelukan ibu pertiwi.

2011-08-15T19:58:00.003+08:00

Worth a visit,

Bale Becik.

An Abstraction of Dream Jobs.

2011-08-14T21:22:00.004+08:00

Mei : My dream is not to do any jobs.

Pria : My dream job is to do whatever I want in particular time yet gains money.

Novel : My dream job is to travel and get paid for it.

Eve : My dream job is to be a millionaire superhero.

Bo : Dream job gue itu merancang, membuat, mencipta apa pun tanpa harus memikirkan uang.

Mbak Dewi : Kreator inovasi kreatif dan expert di bidangnya yang bermanfaat bagi khalayak banyak.

What's yours? You're not allowed to have too concrete dream job! :)

Early Wish for Sunshine Wedding

2011-08-14T21:04:00.004+08:00

That I wish you both a happy day and marriage! - starting from October of course :)

Visit Sunshine Wedding.

A wedding diary that will make you believe the existence of true love and marriage! :D

siem reap in 35mm

2011-08-12T22:46:00.012+08:00

Previously, has been mentioned that I went to Siem Reap, a small city with a "hidden" enormous old city inside - the infamous Angkor Wat is one of the old city inside the huge complex of temples.

Most of the pictures above I took at Ta Phrom and Ta Keo, got unforgettable views with gigantic trees laid down there, old and silent.

The time being there itself, was fast. Four days is not enough.

Should have been more indeed.

Heavenly Father, remember the traveler.

2011-08-11T07:13:00.001+08:00

30 days 30 friends

2011-08-09T11:48:00.004+08:00

| seto | kriesh | bo | pria | eve | ofi | sin | mei |

Was posted in instagram (@novelisa).

In a Strange Room

2011-08-08T07:09:00.003+08:00

".. For the first time since he started travelling he thinks that he would like to stop. Stay in one place, never move again."

"A journey is a gesture inscribed in space, it vanishes even as it's made. You go from one place to another place, and on to somewhere else again, and already behind you there is no trace that you were ever there. The roads you went down yesterday are full of different people now, none of them knows who you are. In the room you slept last night a strangers lies in the bed. Dust covers over your footprints, the marks of your fingers are wiped off the door, from the floor and table the bits and pieces of evidence that you might have dropped are swept up and thrown away and they never come back again. The very air closes behind you like water and soon your presence, which felt so weighty and permanent, has completely gone. Things happen once only and are never repeated, never return. Except in memory."

- Damon Galgut

#17 Raga dalam Sejuta Detik

2011-08-05T19:49:00.002+08:00

Ia namanya Raga. Ia salah satu dari sekian banyak manusia yang mampu menyaingi aku, menyaingiku untuk membuat diriku penting. Aneh memang. Sejuta detik yang mengalun di telinga, terasa abadi, diam dan mengambang di udara.

Dia mencari aku dari sudut matanya, selalu begitu, tidak pernah menembus ragaku secara horizontal, selalu hanya dari sudut. Sudut itu sudut yang aku kenal, sudut Raga..tidak pernah luput mengena.

Ia adalah salah satu dari sedikit orang yang - entah bagaimana - mampu melengkapi kalimatku sedari awal.. padahal saat itu usia pertautan kami masih bisa diukur dengan seputaran jarum jam.

Raga tidak berbagi, ia penuh rahasia dan kompleks. Namun, ia terbaca.

Ia seperti aku, kami sama. Raga tidak perlu menghadapkan wajahnya padaku atau menyendengkan telinganya ke mulutku. Ia mengenalku, serta seluruh pori-pori yang membuka di permukaan kulitku. Ia seperti aku yang hilang - yang tetap bukan aku.

Raga datang, aku tidak menanyakan ia darimana. Pun tidak akan kutanyakan kemana ia pergi saat ia hilang. Kata-kata tertelan begitu saja, mengambang tak tersampaikan, layaknya sejuta detik yang seperti tak pernah terlewati. Raga, mengalun seirama dengan laguku, tak sama tapi meruas nada yang merdu.

Ia namanya Raga, ia jiwa yang menyerupai aku dalam sejuta detik yang tak pernah berakhir.

Hilang

2011-08-05T07:21:00.003+08:00

Saya bukannya menangisi apa yang pergi, tapi saya menangisi apa yang hilang di antara kita, sudah semenjak lama.

Berkata di atas angin, melempar senyum ke pundak awan, dan ia akan tetap menjejak bumi yang sama.. hanya entah akan berwujud apa.

Ia pernah benderang, lalu redup dan hampir padam. Kemudian kembali benderang, jauh lebih dari sebelumnya, namun kali ini diikuti dengan padam sempurna.

Dilingkupi udara malam, saya menghirup dalam-dalam. Selamat malam, kamu.

- some tweets I posted in different timings, oh well..

#16 Behind the story of Angkor.

2011-08-03T20:36:00.005+08:00

I saw new things, I met new people, I learned about life beyond mine, and I understood new understanding I have never knew before.

I did realized that I complained too much, lately. It was like an accumulation from what I have faced for months. Then, now I am opening my eyes, again - yes, I've been here before.

It was a guy I met as a tour guide, a skinny guy with a charming smile. Nothing uncommon - but, look further and deeper into his mind, you would find an extraordinary young man with a good vision for the children of his country. I later realized what I complained are shallow things, compares to the everyday problem that all those children have; money, food, medicine, education, etc.

.. And I knew what the feeling of ungrateful was like - the most uncomfortable feeling, it blocks all the happiness and smiles, and yes somehow it's also painful.

This man, he told me his short story of life, he has 10 brothers and he comes from a poor family. Then in Pol Pot regime, his 6 brothers were killed. It gave his mother mental illness for years. But then, he managed to send his mother to a temple to learn about meditation. Through meditation, thanks God - now his mother could become a teacher of meditation.

His background doesn't stop him to do big things in his life. He helps many children in his country, he thinks they need hands to get better life. He joins NGOs, he makes friends with many people, he writes proposals every night, he plays music to collect money for the children, and he guides tourists to see the treasures of his country.

His touring service could be found in his blog - Angkorface. 15% of his service charges will be dedicated for the children (in this case, the total amount of money he would earn is only 5%, which is not much).

After I met that guy, he wasn't that skinny anymore. He was huge, and I was tiny like a bug. With all of his weaknesses, he still could do many things for others. And with all the things I have, I still complain about how unfair my life us. And yes, I am a bug.

Visit Siem Reap, Cambodia, and meet Jacky! Please do!

Cheers.

bring me.

2011-07-18T22:30:00.001+08:00

bring me.

bring me.
bring me. anywhere. mr cabdriver.

#15 Kota Ini..

2011-07-18T08:37:00.005+08:00

Kota ini dikeruk hingga ia tak padat
Berseliweran puluhan kotak besi
Membawa jutaan raga padat
Menembus fisiknya yang lowong

Kota ini mengeruk asa yang menumpuk berkerak
Kota ini gombal
Kota ini menginfeksikan adiksinya

Ia tidak jujur, tidak pernah berpihak di sisi ini
Ia mengimingi kemanisan, menawarkan cinta
Sampai pada titik, saya tersadar bahwa ia telah ingkar

Hanya serbuan kenangan yang ditumpuk menjadi harta tak bernilai
Hanya bongkahan cinta yang perlahan hancur berkeping tak pernah terpakai

Ia berdusta
Dan satu waktu, saya pernah percaya

2011-07-17T23:21:00.004+08:00

The hardest moment in life is when you have to leave the only comfort you have.

And after that, you will be all alone - start all over again.

So long, good memories.

So long, you, be good. Years I've spent caring you isn't good enough to make you be mine, longer.

So long.

2011-07-12T21:46:00.002+08:00

Dear unpredictable, unable-to-be-planned, and un-lovable life.. I still can be happy, rite?

ma n ua l

2011-07-01T00:14:00.004+08:00

taken by Nikon FM10.

was experimenting.

enjoy.

Sorry.

2011-06-22T20:39:00.005+08:00

When you said, "don't say sorry if you're gonna do it again..", I knew that I would do it again.

Dear you,

I'm so sorry for ruining things.

I really am.

(photo taken by my friend)

The Imperfectionists

2011-06-16T07:11:00.002+08:00

"When I'm old and bent and sitting in a chair, you come and hold my hand. All right? That's your job. Okay?" ~ Kath

He takes her hand and kisses it. "No," he says. "When you're old and bent, I'll be gone. I'll hold it now. Later, you'll have to remember." ~ Dario

(The Imperfectionist - Tom Rachman)

A kick in my face, I can't sketch.

2011-06-05T09:59:00.009+08:00

One of the great sketcher I have ever seen. And I have his sketches in one awesome book on my lap. How lovely! :)

Please drop a visit in his blog, Mattias Adolfsson. And go here if you're interested to buy his awesome book - worth every cents! :D

Have a nice Sunday!

#14 Menyapa Hidup

2011-05-28T10:06:00.001+08:00

Kembali lagi pada titik ini. Kali ini lebih berputar, kali ini lebih menampar. Bukan, bukan karena saya terus-terusan mengeluhkan betapa hidup itu sangat sulit dan tidak berbelas kasihan (but yes it is, apparently), tapi kali ini, di usia 25 tahun dan bergerombol kenyataan bermunculan dengan tanpa peringatan. Menjadikan saya (baca : kami) terus-terusan berpusar di dalamnya, menggapai-gapai memohon untuk ditarik keluar.

25 tahun dan belum mencapai-apa-apa. Quarter life crisis, berkali-kali kata ini disebutkan oleh sahabat-sahabat saya. Kalau Bo bilang, ini saatnya kita melihat ke belakang dan ke depan. Lebih parah daripada mid life crisis. Karena kita harus melihat ke dua arah berbeda --- dua arah itu jalannya sudah dan masih panjang. Merefleksi, apa sih yang sebenarnya sudah dicapai selama keseluruhan 25 tahun kemarin ini? Dan apa sih rencana kita untuk meneruskan 25 tahun (dan 25 tahun setelahnya) ke depan? Dan saya (baca: kami) sudah sampai di titik ini, tidak punya jawaban, celingak-celinguk mencari jawaban yang sebenarnya tidak ada di mana pun, karena memang saya belum sampai di mana-mana.

Hidup yang belum sampai mana-mana ini bahkan sudah diwarnai dengan seribu satu dilema yang tidak memiliki jalan keluar. Menghantarkan pada pintu-pintu terkunci, yang jika diketuk hingga tangan berdarah pun tidak akan pernah dibukakan.

Hidup yang saya sapa sekarang adalah hidup yang sebenarnya penuh 'kepalsuan'. Saat kita selalu berusaha menjadi 'benar', karena kita tidak pada posisi 'benar' yang dikenal benar oleh norma masyarakat pada umumnya. Berjalan di jalur yang berbeda, walaupun arahnya sama. Berkali-kali berusaha menyeberang ke jalur umum, dan kita selalu tersesat dalam perjalanan menyeberanginya. Pada akhirnya, kita menyerah dan memilih untuk berjalan di jalur kita, suka atau tidak suka - dicemooh atau tidak dicemooh.

Hidup yang diisi dengan jutaan cinta bertepuk sebelah tangan. Yang walaupun sudah digenggam bertahun-tahun, tetap tidak berbalas. Yang bahkan Tuhan pun sebenarnya pasti tahu benar isi hati mereka. Cinta yang diagung-agungkan miliaran orang --- itu bohong. Tidak semua cinta yang seindah itu. Ada berpuluh juta cinta yang tidak berbalas, yang merupakan pertemuan antara kerelaan dan rasa sakit, yang menjadikan hidup itu pahit namun tetap harus ditelan bulat-bulat.

Hidup yang diisi dengan ketidaktahuan akan posisi Tuhan. Tuhan yang disembah dan disebut dengan berbagai nama, namun kemuliaan-Nya satu. Dia ada dimana? - saat kenyataan yang berakar pada penciptaan, dan menjadikan sebenarnya manusia itu tidak sama dengan yang lain? Dia berpikir apa? Kami berteriak, meminta-Nya menjawab dan membukakan pintu. Tuhan yang menjadikan kami hidup dan memberikan keselamatan, Tuhan yang kami pegang teguh di dalam hati dan jiwa.. pertanyaan besar kami, "mengapa?".

Hidup yang diisi dengan ribuan kejatuhan dan kebangkitan dari rasa sakit dan perih. Tidak berbelaskasihan, mungkin ya benar. Dan saya terbangun --- merasa sedang ada di tepi jurang. Berjatuhan semua keberanian, melumpuhkan kecongkakkan dan superioritas terhadap hidup, merasa kecil dan kehabisan energi.

Hidup yang saya sapa adalah hidup yang tidak manis, entah itu milik saya atau bukan. 25 tahun - seperempat abad, itu jumlah waktu yang telah saya habiskan.

Dan andai Jakarta, Singapore, dan China tidak sejauh itu, sungguh saya ingin berkubang dalam kehangatan bersama mereka - 'si 25 tahun yang ada di Jakarta' dan 'si 25 tahun yang ada di China' - mengupas tuntas krisis ini tanpa mencari jawaban, sebenarnya hanya ingin mencari pegangan tangan erat supaya kami tidak jatuh ke dalam jurang.

Cheers to you, complicated life!

For the Greener Eyes.

2011-05-07T10:37:00.002+08:00

and so, we walked.

hope.

2011-05-07T10:05:00.000+08:00

"For we are saved by hope; but hope that is seen is not hope.."

Two

2011-04-09T18:41:00.005+08:00

There are two ways in my head, each way is a dead-end. I would be hung like an unwanted cloth at the corner of the fancy store, and at last will end in a 75% sale-box. The ways are clearly pictured in my head, and both aren't easy, and both are nothing in the end of the road.

Plus, I have not enough reasons to choose one.

Life has never took my side. It has always been on the other side of the wall, peeking on me but never crossed the door to be with me. And so is now. I am torn into two, and it's still staying behind the wall, offering side to another person, and not me.

Two ways. Two pictures. And none is perfect, nor better. Both are tricky.

Again. I am torn.

in a different way..

2011-03-20T21:10:00.003+08:00

Seriously, how do you describe love?

Is it something like this, in a different way?

- was posted in Instagram previously.

#13 (Un)Planned Future

2011-03-05T10:53:00.004+08:00

It began when I met a girl, unexpectedly became a wake-up call (though I doubt whether I woke up or not). She asked me to tell her my dreams - to be fair, I don't have to tell what her purpose was, in short term, medium term, and long term. And shockingly, I was stunned. I was speechless, couldn't even tell the simplest dream of mine.

My friend was also there, and he was easily telling his dreams, smoothly! I was gonna laugh, laugh at myself, laugh at my silliness. I was telling the world about dreams, and when I looked at myself.. I am, myself, a dreamless girl and indeed an un-planned human being.

There's no shame I feel. I have plans (by the way, I am stopping call those things in my head : 'dreams'), for sure. I just have to figure it out how to make it come true. And, that, is the hardest part.

Forgetting Routine

2011-02-19T11:14:00.009+08:00

Oh well. Can we just do it again.. very soon?

- Tioman Island, Feb 2011

#12 Pain.

2011-02-15T07:36:00.004+08:00

Let me tell you about pain.

It's when your mother chose your siblings over you.

It's when your grandmother yelled at you and your brother, because your brother played a bit rough with your grandmother's favorite grandchildren.

It's when your teacher used you to cover his ass in the classroom.

It's when your boyfriend told you that he'd prefer to come back to his ex rather than stay with you, because he thought his ex was weaker than you and she needed him more.

It's when your friend told you that you are pathetic.

It's when your father screamed at you because you refused to follow his path.

It's when your boss told you that you're awful and not qualified enough to be someone.

It's when your degree didn't tell the world anything.

It's when you were hopeless.

It's when you had nobody to hug you.

Those are pains.

#11 Handful of Treasures

2011-01-29T00:25:00.005+08:00

Not because I want to looked smart.

Not because everybody does the same.

Not because I don't like to observe my surrounding (just like when he said "I always spot you read wherever you are. Don't read! Observe!")

It's because I love it. I love reading. I love books. I love holding it in my hands, such a different feeling when you hold an iPhone, an iPad, or a Kindle. It feels good when you can turn each pages and put a shopping receipt or a paper or a postcard or a proper bookmark to mark the last page you've read. It feels delightful.

Someday, I'll put all my books in a wood shelf and show it to my children - or even my grandchildren. I'll let them know how much words I've been read and let them know how to love books as much as I do. Just like when I saw my grandpa's bookshelves and I was amazed. I was shaking, realizing that sometime in the past he read those books somewhere else - different time, different era, and the books were still alive.

Yes, these are for my future children and grandchildren. :) I've got a handful of treasures.

#10 The sky is even bluer.

2011-01-23T10:35:00.003+08:00

Older. And what we're looking for is only happiness. Lame, I know. But what are looking for nowadays? Money? Love? Achievements in careers? And, it's all only for happiness, in different scale and definition in our heads.

I quote what my friend said last night, "In the end, what we are searching now - at our age - is happiness. Maybe for us, not by means of money or success, but the happiness itself. Even we're broke and have nowhere to go, we just do whatever we think could make us happy."

Yes, that includes expensive gadgets or continuous shopping of shoes-bags-books or travel to many places, and (for one of us) pay for kids' school fee somewhere in another country. When all is done, the sky is even bluer in our eyes, because we're happy enough. :)

#9 redefine

2011-01-20T07:56:00.003+08:00

The steps is fading away, the music is starting to end, play its last tones. The claps are soon to disappear, out of the ears. The stage is going to be dark, the lightings are off. I am staring at the darkness, holding myself up altogether, re-questioning the definition of (best)friend.

I used to defined (best)friendship as a long lasting relationship. But somehow, I have a conclusion, in a way that it is not. Maybe you'll remember the relationship until the last breathe of your life, but then, it's not a friendship anymore, it will just be a part of your memory.. in the past. It's just a similar thing, when the relation has no more continuity and it's just an on-and-off relation, don't call it a friendship. Only a relation between people who had known each other for a quite some times.

Don't you think so?

(Best) Friendship is about taking care. You would care a lot to maintain the relation, to tell each other useless details in life and keep the buzz only to say 'hi' and send smiley's emoticons.

(Best) Friendship is not endless, it will end. But the sound of it will not fade away. Not only about one time smile and laughter, but continuous. Even if nobody would never care to tell you one unimportant detail, they will always remember to tell you. And you would smile to reply it.

It's about keeping the distance close, even you're apart thousand miles away.

Yes. You may know thousand people. But, they're not your friend (yeah-you-know-what-I-mean). You just know them.

(Best) Friendship is a relationship that you care enough to keep it warm. That's it.

#8 Living by My Own

2011-01-16T12:32:00.006+08:00

It was only a dream, but I still can feel that I was really afraid. It was a dream of losing a job. Either being fired or whatever (a bit blur, but I think it's because company was bankrupt).

I realize that living by my own, without parents around, is a tough thing. I have to live, no matter how much money I have both in my pocket and in my bank account. I have to live, with or without money. Eat or not. It's all on my own.

The thinking of losing job is not fun. Indeed.

What I thought were; how I can pay the bill, how I live the next month, how I can buy my food, how I look for another job to continue the living, etc. It sucks. And I do know, if I had no more income or job, I can go home anytime, but that's not an option. Living with parents is the option I have left for another year, not because I don't want to be with them. But because, I am at the point that I need to live my own life. I am not trying to be selfish and too confident, but it's a choice. Long time ago, when I was still a kid, I have been dreaming to live like this, out of the house and build my own life bubble.

Like I told you several times, adulthood is sucks, somehow.

#7 Run Fastly

2011-01-15T10:47:00.008+08:00

I still can breathe the air. Salty air. I still can feel the smooth sands. I still can feel the touch of cold turquoise water. I still can hear all those odd language in my ears. I still can taste all the delicious food in my tongue. We miss our Phuket.

One year. How can a year runs so fast? Feels like yesterday. I (actually, we are all) am longing for another beach trip. Very much.

Anyway, happy getting older Winni! :)

#6 Rayya

2011-01-10T21:40:00.006+08:00

Rayya sayang..

Apa kabar? Tante kangen nih.. Di kamar tante ada Pringles loh.. Rayya kan suka minta ke Tante. "Satu aja.." sambil mengacungkan jari telunjuk kamu yang mungil. Tapi kamu selalu minta lagi, "satu, Tante" dengan muka cantik tidak berdosa dan ga mungkin Tante tolak.

Rayya kamu udah bisa ngomong kata baru apa? Beberapa minggu lalu, Rayya kan udah berhasil nyebut nama Tante, walaupun ga pake 'tante' di depannya sih.. Hehe. :) Kalo Tante pulang, kamu udah siap di depan pintu, dan pas pintu dibuka, kamu langsung teriak-teriak histeris "Ovel! Ovel! Ovel!" sambil cekikikan seru.. terus langsung ngekor masuk ke kamar Tante nyariin 'Kaka', 'Gukguk', sama "Miki', atau kadang-kadang mainan nyolok-nyolokkin kabel laptop Tante..

Ah Rayya, Tante kangeeeen..

Rayya sekarang pasti lagi asyik main sama Abrar ya? Jangan-jangan ntar pas ketemu Tante lagi, Rayya lupa deh sama Tante..

Rayya.. kamu baik-baik ya sama tante-tante Rayya, sepupu-sepupu Rayya, Kakek-Nenek Rayya. Jagain adik Altaf baik-baik ya. Pokoknya ntar kalo ketemu Tante lagi, Tante bawain Pringles dan Lays yang banyak. Dan kamu harus jadi anak yang pinter, ya cantik.. Biar Mama dan Papa bahagia dan bangga sama Rayya, dan Altaf tentunya. :)

Tante yakin kok Rayya pasti bisa jadi cewek keren nantinya, cerdas, cantik, berbudi baik, dan kuat tentunya..

Rayya manis.. kapan-kapan kita ketemu ya.. Semoga waktu masih mengijinkan buat ketemu Rayya lagi. :) Sampe waktu itu datang, Tante terus doain Rayya dan Altaf dari jauh ya..

Salam kangen dari sini.

#5 Prestige

2011-01-08T00:15:00.004+08:00

Prestige. One word which bothers me. Like a lot.

The current story (true story, I could tell) that can make you laugh in bitter sounds. Not something that an adult could possibly do, sanely. But it happens, unfortunately.

I am, somehow, disappointed - though I'm not involved in that situation. Yet, I am. Imagining that there are many sides will be hurt and much more disappointed, I only could tell that prestige is disgusting.

Prestige is the shadow of money and power.

- C. Wright Mills

But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth.

- Matthew 6:3

Do what your heart says, and need not to think what others will say. In the end, your name is only a name, what does matter is what you can do for others. Screw prestige.

#4 Back to the ground.

2011-01-06T22:31:00.005+08:00

I walked straight away, followed the road. Didn't think to turn around or change direction. I was so firm and confident. Only thinking about my life and my way ahead.

That I was so selfish, self-centered, and obviously stupid.

But, then who really care? Nobody.

That's why I didn't care as well, just like everybody else.

The air was so thick, and the blood was heated up. My head was heavy, as if I carried rocks inside.

But still, I walked. The road was long and endless. And I was so sure I could finish it all.

Seconds after that, you dragged me down.

Back to the ground, hold my arm tightly. Almost hug me till I lost my breath, I gasped.

And I felt my cheeks were warm, I was being slapped. Not by your hands, but by those exact time which I feel so idiot.

You stopped me.

.. and the air became thinner.

So that the tears was there. Your shoulder was wet, but you didn't look at me. Yet, I know you would be there until I finish my last drop of tears.

#3 Familiarity

2011-01-04T22:31:00.007+08:00

Found out that at some point, all I need is familiarity. I can be anywhere, anytime, and with anyone, but only a second in those time, I would need to grab something un-strange.

These few days, several little things were different and indeed nobody has realized, but I did. Odd. And it was only me who knew what was happen. Something was lost, something wasn't in the right place, and I missed it just like a puzzle missed one of its piece. Small, but critical.

But then, the missing piece has been found. The familiarity was back. And I can sit down comfortably. I don't know when I will get used with the invisibility of that familiarity. Just wondering what will happen when it was no longer there.

(image : Pancoran, Jakarta, December 2010. Kumagin. Kodak ISO 200. 1/100. 22mm. F8.)

#2 Flea Market

2011-01-03T00:11:00.004+08:00

It was located somewhere in Chinatown, my housemate took me there since he wanted to looking for Star Wars toys. Before I got there, I didn't have any idea of what it would like. But then, it was very great. Toys were everywhere.. and one shop caught my heart so bad. An antique shop, with many old stuffs, included old cameras, many old bottles, hundreds of old toys, hundreds pieces of very very old postcard and photos, old books, and many other things. I loved it!

The postcards there were from many countries, and plenty of them were written with someone's stories at the back. And the stamps were very old. I found one postcard with Soeharto's stamp on it. Too bad the old postcards cost quite expensive. So, I bought some postcards with reasonable prices, one of it was from Bali and it was sent on 1971. It is amusing to read stories in it, because somehow it belonged to someone in the past, and now after years, I read it as some stories to be kept. A bit scary, but yet lovely.

Oh, and I found a chubby Snoopy! :)

#1 Happy Another Year

2011-01-02T08:01:00.009+08:00

Just like any other people would think about what happen today, it's the first day of another year. Many times I've been thinking how to pass the first day of the year, and yet I have never found the best answer.

It's just the same. The same sky. The same surrounding. The same sun. The same day. Only we have to replace the calendar with the new one.

Happy Another Year.

Wish we can be better person as the day has changed and the brand new calendars with full 12 months are there, on the top of our tables.

Happy Another Year.

Happy 2011.

Jack's New Year Eve.

2010-12-31T07:49:00.009+08:00

Ma, why are you still awake? It's very dark already.

I'm waiting for a new year, Jack.

When will it come, Mama?

Soon..

How soon?

Very soon.

How do you know?

It will come when the clock pass the number 12.

But, it happens everyday, and there was no new year, Ma..

Today's different. Today's new year!

How do you know that today is new year? Why is not yesterday or tomorrow?

Because we have passed 365 days before, and today it will change into another year.

Exactly 365 days? Wow. How many is that? 365. I think that's much. Very very much, I can't count it with all my fingers.

Of course you can't count it with your fingers. But actually you don't need to count it, it will pass without you knowing it.

But, now, you know that we've passed that 365 days and you never counted it.

Umm.. Yea. Sort of..

So what will we do in new year? Anything new? Will there be any different in the morning?

Nothing I guess, the sun will rise as usual, and the sky will be the same blue.

Oh. Not fun.

That's okay. That's the fun of new year. No different, but yet it's also not the same.

Mama, what are you talking about? I don't understand. Hoahemm.. And I think I'm sleepy.

Go sleep, here, I put a blanket to cover you.

But, I want to see new year..

You'll meet it, once you wake up in the morning.. no worry, there's no hurry for you. There are still so many new year you'll have later.

Really? Are you sure?

Absolutely.

(Mama and Jack)

#30harimenulis

2010-12-29T22:54:00.004+08:00

Tantangan dari Fadil Pinandita :

Mari menulis..

Anastasya Adi, Calosa Kadim, Vintya Marvafahlet i, Dhea Sekararum.

Turut mengajak..

Kristanti Dewi Paramita dan Dyah Esti Sihanani ? Dan yang lain mungkin? Mari? :)

Sampai jumpa di tulisan #1 di 1 Januari 2011.

There's (always a) Hope

2010-12-29T22:44:00.005+08:00

Back when I had a little, I thought that I needed a lot

A little was over rated, but a lot was a little too complicated

You see-Zero didn't satisfy me, a million didn't make me happy

That's when I learned a lesson, that it's all about your perception

Hey-are you a pauper or a superstar, so you act, so you feel, so you are

It ain't about the size of your car, it's about the size of the faith in your heart

There's hope. It doesn't cost a thing to smile

You don't have to pay to laugh. You better thank God for that

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Off in the back country of Brazil, I met a young brother that made me feel that I could accomplish anything.

You see just like me he wanted to sing

He had no windows and no doors, he lived a simple life and was extremely poor

On top of all of that he had no eye sight, but that didn't keep him from seein' the light

He said, what's it like in the USA, and all I did was complain

He said-livin' here is paradise, he taught me paradise is in your mind

You know that.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every time I turn on the TV, somebody's acting crazy

If you let it, it will drive you crazy, but I'm takin' back my power today

Gas prices they just keep on rising, the government they keep on lying, but we gotta keep on surviving

Keep living our truth and do the best we can do

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stand up for your rights

Keep shining your light

And show the world your smile

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

india.arie

Merry!

2010-12-28T07:14:00.002+08:00

My Christmas wasn't white literally. What I meant was white inside my heart. That I have redefined the meaning of Christmas itself, that Christmas isn't the celebration or the colorful things or the parties and whatsoever. It's more about how I love others as the representative of the moment when He was sent to come to the world, only to love, to live, and to save all of us. Because of love.

Well. Merry (belated) Christmas. Have a warm and soulful Christmas, not only on 25th, but every day and even every minute.

Polaroid.

2010-12-24T07:38:00.003+08:00

Digital is going crazy. Getting better and better each day.

I am walking the other way, turning my direction to the past, and playing with polaroid.

So long, Al..

2010-12-19T10:26:00.004+08:00

That you're safe now. That you're home.

Nothing we need to worry about you, anymore.

That you've passed your 28 years in this world, well.

You were living perfectly.

You touched many hearts.

You taught us well in your last minutes here.

You reminded us about life, love, and friend.

And we'll keep it in our hearts, carefully.

You.. will never be forgotten.

So long, Al.

We will meet again someday.

We love you.

kalau bahagia..

2010-12-07T23:05:00.004+08:00

Kalau bahagia itu datang dari kekasih, maka saya akan cari kekasih. Banyak yang bilang, cinta itu membuat berseri. Banyak yang bilang, tawa dan ceria itu datang dari cinta. Maka kekasih, saya menapaki benang merah di jemari saya, berharap jarak di antara kita semakin memendek.

Kalau bahagia itu datang dari senyuman orang lain, maka saya akan membuat orang lain tersenyum. Senyuman itu menular, seperti wabah flu, mudah dibagi. Maka kalian, tunggulah.. akan saya buat kalian tersenyum, bagaimana pun caranya.

Kalau bahagia itu datang dari momen bersama sahabat, maka akan saya temani setiap detik bersama mereka. Jika pun detik yang saya punya sudah kadaluarsa dan menipis, akan saya bagi bersama mereka.

Kalau bahagia itu berasal dari keluarga yang bersama dan saling menyayangi, maka saya akan terbang saat ini juga, mengalahkan jarak dan waktu, melepas rindu.

Kalau bahagia itu datang dari pagi hari melihat matahari, maka saya akan bangun lebih pagi dan menunggu dia bersinar. Bilamana ia datang, akan saya sapa dengan senyuman, seakan-akan kali itu adalah kala pertama berjumpa dengannya.

Kalau bahagia itu datang dari secangkir kopi dan sejumput tawa, maka akan saya sediakan bercangkir-cangkir kopi panas untuk dihabiskan. Tawa yang hadir akan terasa bermakna dan membekas, sulit dihilangkan, seperti noda kopi di kemeja putih bersih. Dia hitam, namun memabukkan.

Dan kalau bahagia itu bisa ditemukan dengan sesederhana itu, maka saya sudah hidup bahagia. Bahagia yang datang dari hal-hal kecil, minor, dan terlalu mini untuk dilihat dengan telanjang mata. Dan kalau bahagia itu sudah cukup, maka akan saya bagi bahagia saya dengan anda..

We Did It.

2010-12-06T11:52:00.003+08:00

12 hours of walking.

I doubted myself to finish the whole walking journey, but in the end, it was only another story.

The point is : we did it.

Getting Warmer.

2010-11-30T23:26:00.003+08:00

speechless.

my heart is getting warmer, because of you all.

how to say a deep-and-proper thank you from the deepest heart? :)

happiness is getting together with your friends - schulz, peanuts

untitled

2010-11-29T07:18:00.002+08:00

why do i always want things which i couldn't have, at all?

pride? satisfaction? or fool?

Triple Plastic.

2010-11-24T07:24:00.007+08:00

My #1 roll of the trial using Disderi - after few failures using Holga. And I'm thinking to stick to this fellas, he is doing quite good with me (compare to Mr Handsome Holga). Here I upload some. Enjoy!

Cerita Kopi (Andrea Hirata)

2010-11-19T23:44:00.006+08:00

Baru saya temukan filosofi kopi menarik di buku yang sedang saya baca. Saya tidak tahan untuk tidak mengutipnya, karena sungguh ini mengundang senyum geli dan anggukan setuju.

Mereka yang menghirup kopi pahit umumnya bernasib sepahit kopinya. Makin pahit kopinya, makin berlika-liku petualangannya. Hidup mereka penuh mintaian mara bahaya. Cinta? Berantakan. Istri? Pada minggat. Kekasih? Berkhianat di tempat tidur mereka sendiri! Bayangkan itu. Bisnis? Mereka kena tipu. Namun, mereka tetap mencoba dan mencipta. Mereka naik panggung dan dipermalukan. Mereka menang dengan gilang-gemilang lalu kalah tersuruk-suruk. Mereka jatuh, bangun, jatuh, dan bangun lagi.

Mereka yang takaran gula, kopi, dan susunya proporsional umumnya adalah pegawai kantoran yang bekerja rutin dan berirama hidup itu-itu saja. Takaran gulanya dua sendok. Mereka tak lain pria 'do-re-mi', dan mereka telah kawin dengan seseorang bernama bosan. Kelompok anti-perubahan ini melingkupi diri dengan selimut dan tidur nyenyak di zona nyaman. Proporsi gula, kopi, dan susu itu mencerminkan kepribadian mereka yang sungkan mengambil resiko. Tanpa mereka sadari, kenyamanan itu membuat waktu, detik demi detik, menelikung mereka.

Cirinya : 4 sendok kopi, ini termasuk kental, tapi ditambah gula, setengah sendok saja. Orang-orang ini merupakan ahli pada bidangnya. Mereka bertangan dingin dan penuh perhitungan. Mereka bukan tipe pegang-lepaskan-pegang-lepaskan. Mereka adalah tipe pegang-cengkeram-telan. Namun, adakalanya mereka adalah pecinta yang romantis. Takaran kopi semacam itu membuat mereka merasa pahit dekat tenggorokan, namun terbersit sedikit manis di ujung lidah.

Adapun mereka yang sama sekali tidak minum kopi adalah penyia-nyia hidup ini.

(dikutip dari Cinta di Dalam Gelas, Andrea Hirata, Mozaik 8)

Cemburu

2010-11-19T00:08:00.004+08:00

Aku kira hanya aku sendiri yang merasa cemburu itu bisa diterjemahkan dalam gangguan fisik. Cemburu itu sama dengan mual, rasanya tenggorokan tercekat disesaki berbutir-butir kelereng dan ingin muntah. Cemburu itu berhubungan dengan tenggorokan, berasosiasi dengan anggota tubuh. Dan rasanya, berat, seperti dibebani sesuatu yang tidak berwujud di dalam rongga dada.

Aku mual. Sedang cemburu.

In Loving Memoriam of His Dad, Jeff Johnson

2010-11-17T07:53:00.001+08:00

Despite the tours and millions of albums sold, his passion - like his dad, who surfed into his 60s - draws him back to the sea.

"Surfing is the bliss of my life, the thing in my life that I'm most happy doing. Music is so much fun, but it's a way for me to share things, to answer questions. It's back there as a resource."

(source : here)

A good twenty minutes.

2010-11-16T07:15:00.003+08:00

There's a new flavor of ice cream. The flavor was fun. Randomly chose a word to describe the taste, and came out with that word. Fun.

Was a good twenty minutes, by the way. Guilty pleasure at late night.

Happy Married!

2010-11-13T00:56:00.002+08:00

Dear bestfriend,

I've been thinking about what I'm gonna write in this post even before you've got married. And still, I haven't found the right and beautiful ways to say it in words. Even all the beautiful words turned out into silly things in my ears. So, here I am, saying 'congratulations!' with all the love in my heart (told ya, it's a dangdut way! hehe). Wishing you both a happy married life, ever after.

xoxo

Me.

stunned.

2010-11-10T23:07:00.001+08:00

and the comfort zone has gone.

you do. i do. we do.

2010-11-06T10:06:00.013+08:00

not about the place.

not about the food.

not about the coffee.

but the companions.

The New Black.

2010-10-30T15:54:00.006+08:00

Happy Halloween.

@ Triple One, Somerset Place, Black.Coffee.Dessert.Bar.

Just did it, again.

2010-10-27T22:19:00.004+08:00

I, once, placed my face in front of a shower head, with water flowed from it. I hold my breathe, tried to cheat the time, and counted in my head how long I could stand there without inhaling oxygen.

Minutes passed by, I closed my eyes, I hold my breathe, I shut my mouth. And in the second when the oxygen in my lung was empty, I was tempted to stay there. I was tempted to stay under the waterflow, without breathing. I played the death, I chose it for a second. A second after that, I opened my eyes in a hurry, and inhale the oxygen as much as possible to fulfill my lung. I gasped.

But I just did it, again.

Coffee.

2010-10-24T09:05:00.004+08:00

A cup of coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent.

.. is about the time you choose the right person to spend with. Comfortable and yet fun. It's a must.

56.

2010-10-22T23:55:00.005+08:00

For (almost) 25 years, you've been a father for me. And you'll always be. Forgive me for ever hurt you or disappointed you, a daughter whom never seen what you've done for me. Thank you thank you thank you. There'll be no enough 'thank yous'. So I whisper a simple word, and fly it where a Father of all of us sits on His armchair watching us, a prayer for my dear father, for my dear dad. I wish you a happy birthday.

From,

your daughter.

Even we're very excited playing it.

2010-10-21T23:54:00.005+08:00

It was for age 4+.

Yes. We're age 4+.

4+ 20 something.

Rayya, share us your toys. :)

p.s. : happy birthday, dearie..

Walking Yellow.

2010-10-19T22:44:00.007+08:00

Yellow usually means it's not that serious. - Bobby Unser

thank-you-notes

2010-10-18T21:41:00.004+08:00

Thank you notes, somehow, are flattering. Don't you think?

Above picture is a thank you notes from an intern in my office, his last day was last week.. I just found out this 'thank you' in the fridge this evening - for the entire office of course.

Oh well. 'You're welcome, Naufal!' :)

Candles Rules.

2010-10-16T10:07:00.007+08:00

Event : Candle Night @ Marina Bay

Produced by The Lighting Detectives Singapore (The Lighting Detectives)

In collaboration with The Fullerton Heritage

Supported by Studio Miu, Musashino Art University (Tokyo), LASALLE College of The Arts, Japanese Kindergaten of Singapore Pte Ltd

A part of the whole event of iLight Marina Bay, 15th October - 7th November, as an Asia's First Sustainable Light Art Festival Illuminates Marina Bay.

Enjoy the candles! :)

dream big!

2010-10-11T21:07:00.003+08:00

I understand the arguments about how the billion of dollars spent to put men on the moon could have been used to fight poverty an hunger on Earth. But, look, I'm a scientist who sees inspiration as the ultimate tool for doing good. When you use money to fight poverty, it can be great value, but too often, you're working at the margins. When you're putting people on the moon, you're inspiring all of us to achieve the maximum of human potential, which is how our greatest problem will eventually be solved. Give yourself permission to dream. - The Last Lecture, Randy Pausch

(for those who are questioning about the sketch.. left sketch : moon. right sketch : carrier bag.)