God bless those who are still friends with mommies

After what happened to Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I've just realized that a mother is prone to depression much more than any other person, in a way. Spade and Bourdain might not be a new mom (or not even a mom), but it shows that depression is a 'silent killer' for everyone - including mothers (who, in this case, have less friends than when they were not a mother).

Here is why.
One thing I've been accepting til now is that motherhood is really a lonely journey - it's a long road and tiring, and not a lot of companion would stay through.
When I was single, I might have more friends than now. Because, you know, mothers talk about their kids A LOT, especially SAHMs whose world evolves around their kids 24/7. They are simply out of topic if they don't talk about their children, they have limited topics just because they have no other world (sad, eh?). It's just irresistible, to talk about children all the time, because new moms are in love, to be a witness of one small being grows each minutes. Isn't that what you do when you are in love? But, who wants to hear about your baby ALL the time, seriously? Who can stand these kind of people, for hours only talk about kids, poop, vomit, etc.?

When I was single, I was fun and easy to go anywhere spontaneously. When I turned into a mom, I declined almost all offers or I took a lot time to think whenever friends were asking me to go out with them even if it's only for 1-2hours; because I need to prepare myself - spiritually and physically - for unprepared scenarios (i.e.: what if my baby suddenly demands to be breastfed when I was walking in the mall? What if there was no nursing room? What if she suddenly poop (or exploding poop) in a restaurant? What if she cries non stop and no one would able to help me to soothe her? ETC!). For people without kids, I am NOT FUN anymore. Who would be friends with someone who is soooooo hard to go hangout, to have a cup of coffee? Who would be friends with someone who is stopping by on every nursing rooms in every single floor in a mall? I changed.

Moms are tough. When they have problems, they whine, looking for assistance.. Friends are there to help. But, friends without kids are different kind of friend, somehow they are dummies who don't know everything (it's true, isn't it?). What will you (people without kids) answer when your new-mom-friend asked you about how to clear milk ducts in her left breast? *awkward* Without realizing it, moms are looking for fellow-moms, who understand problems and know where to search for answers when needed. They have these kind of invisible network on how to help the fellow mommies. So, dear friends without kids.. it's not always because of you, it's US.

When I was single, it was so easy to buy tickets only for a weekend getaway. Now, I don't even have a minute-getaway! So, I am sorry to my friends, I don't have a privilege to have my me-time with you anymore *CRYING*

I know I am no fun, that's for sure. And maybe, a lot of moms out there are with me on this. But, I do need my friends. Just bear with me. I need my friends more than you know it.. I need outsiders to keep me sane, to give me what's hot and what's not out-there that it's not Little Pony or PJ Masks. I need my person, to bring me out to a proper cafe that's not McDonald just because my toddler wants a happy meal. I might decline your offers (yes, I do!), but I've mentioned the reasons above - just bear with me, keep offering and no hard feeling when I decline (again). One day, I will happily say YES and we will have our 5-hours chatting over coffee (although, I might talk about my kid most of the time.. but I'll definitely try to talk less about her).

I am depressed, not everyday, not every hour. But, there are times I feel soooo lonely and I have no one to talk with. I might not that depressed to do suicide, but a lot of mothers out there are worse than me. Moms' depressions are real, sometimes it's not that obvious, sometimes you only see happy mamas with their babies. There are so much more happening inside their heads, than what you see in the surface. They just need you, they just need friends. And although at first you were considered dummies.. it's alright. They panic, they don't know what to do, they push you out. But, stay anyway. You might be their saviour, you might be the one that they need the most.

You know what they say,"God bless those who are still friends with mommies."
Nope! I said it.

To those who are still friends with me: I am sorry for being 'too much' with my kid!
And to those who are not: It's okay, I understand.


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