Surviving motherhood without a helper

No helper mamas: hands in the air!
This is for you.

Ever since I gave a birth, I ever had a thought of hiring a helper so that I could go back to work and do other things. Long story short, it never happened. I'm still a mother without a helper, juggling in between being a mother and.. a mother. Oh my. That's my only role nowadays: a mother.

Where did my "architect" title go?
Or my "photographer" title?
Or my "traveler" status?

Oh well. Here are the real stories..

Who wants to be angry over full bags of dirty clothes? Who wants to be upset over a never-emptied kitchen sink? I did; I used to be angry over 'small' things that didn't meet my expectations - and I truly had a lot of expectations. It killed me.

But then I learned, I realized something bigger than being an exploding-head mama everyday: that's called "low expectation".
- Dirty clothes means throwing more-than-usual-load into the washing machine, cheat a bit with lots of detergents and softener while hoping it will make your clothes cleaner. Smart!
- Never-emptied kitchen sink means sleep on it, if you don't have time. Yes, I mean it. I sleep, therefore I forget. Then, when I woke up one night, it's already cleared. *evil laugh* It's my dear unpaid helper a.k.a. my husband who did the dishes.
- Dirty floor means clean it only when it's necessary. Milk, juice, snack bits; just do spot-cleanings, then only do whole house cleaning once a week. No guests, no visitors, nobody would see your stained floor, so why bother?

Whatever I mentioned above, doesn't mean I'm unhygienic. Hellooooo? The whole family shower twice a day, we wash hands before eating, we clean after urinating, etc. It's just a matter of priority. If I think dirty clothes isn't urgent, and I have other thing that has to be done immediately (i. e.: cooking heavy lunch), then I would do cooking instead of laundry. We still have other clothes to wear and we won't be naked due to lack of clean clothes.

I am not a Super(wo)man or The Flash, I need time and energy to do chores. Yes, in my fully-charged days, I could do all the chores like an insane OCD lady; but that's not everyday. In those days, I might neglect my kid and let her play by herself (and a little bit of scolding here and there, I supposed - ooops sorry!). In order to pay the neglecting day, I would spend any other day neglecting chores and play with my kid instead. Can you see the pattern? When we can't do everything done in a day, then do it in two or three days.

Been living on our own as a little family since day 1, without extra hands; so whenever we move, it's always same old same old. I do things on my own, therefore I rule my own kingdom.

If you asked me, "do you need a helper?".
Yes, I do.
"Do you want a helper?".
Hmmmm.. Let me think about it.

To be honest, I won't know how to tell a helper what to do and how to do, since I do my own way and there is no right or wrong. Isn't it a waste not to teach/tell/ask them to do things because I think I can handle it on my own? I remember the days when I watched my mother instructed our helper to do things based on schedule. First thing in the morning, she did A, and then B, then C, and so on. I don't know how to make that kind of schedule, because we live day by day using our unorganized schedule and goal of the day is to 'survive the day'. Funny, isn't it?

In my two years of being a mother, and without a helper. I survive. We survive. With a little patch here and there, but we come as a solid little family, we are still three human beings. Sometimes we struggle - I struggle - and I need a lot of rest; but at the end of the day, three of us could always find a time to cuddle to sleep and say goodnight to the world. Let today's problem be today's problem, tomorrow has its own problem and we'll think about it tomorrow.

Be strong mamas and create your own strategy! Cheers.


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